"Nate Stone's still a hot news item even after being AWOL for the whole summer," he joked.
"Are they going to be back?"
"Maybe," he sighed.
"I feel like this is my fault. Joseph said he'd make sure they didn't make their way back onto the resort property again," I said.
"Don't sweat it. It'll prep me for going back home probably," he said. Again. When could we stop talking about this? It was making me anxious.
I didn't want to think about when he was leaving, but every time he talked about it, I was forced to face reality. I wasn't trying to delude myself into thinking I would be the reason he gave up on his future, but I could keep imagining that we had more time left than just a few measly weeks.
I didn't know what to do. I didn't know anything but the fact that I really, really wanted to be with him and the thought of him leaving filled me with a dread I'd never experienced.
We took a slow walk back to my place after eating. We used the back steps, walking up onto the porch.
"You want to sleep here tonight?" he asked. It wasn't a question of whether we would spend the night together anymore; it was a question of where. I didn't want to fall asleep without him.
"Can we?" I asked. It didn't make that much of a difference where since in the morning one of us would have to leave inevitably to get ready, or in my case, clock into work. Still, seeing him in my space made his presence in my life feel a little more permanent. It wasn't much of a win, but I was taking what I could get.
It wasn't that late, and I wasn't that tired. I looked for a movie we could watch together while he was in the shower. I wanted to do the things that I did alone, but with him. I wanted to catch up on all the things that normal couples got to do together with him before he had to leave.
He joined me on the couch fifteen minutes into Love and Other Drugs. He sat next to me, and I lay on my back with my head in his lap. He played with my hair as we watched. If he wasn't as invested as I was, at least he was watching it with me. Maybe he thought Anne Hathaway was hot.
"I'm picking the next movie; this one is a bummer," he said.
"It's beautiful," I complained.
"She's dying; it's fucking sad as hell." Yeah, I thought, but in the end, she still allowed herself to enjoy the time that she had with the man she loved. That sounded so unfortunately familiar.
"Can I tell you a secret?" I asked him, turning so I was looking right up at him instead of the movie. He looked down at me.
"Go on."
"After we stopped talking, Makani and I had a girls’ night and we spent hours watching these movies and talking shit about the girls who fell in love with the male leads."
"Was that my fault?" he asked.
"It was my fault for dealing with rejection poorly."
"It was mine for rejecting you," he said, stroking my hair. He leaned down and kissed me sweetly. "I'm sorry I ruined romantic comedies for you," he said. I smiled.
"Apology accepted," I said. "You can pick the next one." I started dozing off halfway through one of the Fast and Furious movies. It was totally his fault, though. We were spooning and how the hell was I supposed to stay awake in that position? I was drifting off for the tenth time when I felt his lips on my cheek.
"Tired?" he asked. I turned onto my back so I could look at him.
"Mm-hmm." He kissed my forehead and shifted from behind me, turning my laptop off and disappearing for a second before returning with a blanket.
He lay on the couch, pulling me into him so I was resting on his chest.
"We should go to the bed," I mumbled sleepily.
"You should go back to sleep," he said, resting one of his hands on my back. Did I sleep better with him, or was everything better with him because I loved being with him so much? If he stays, this doesn’t have to end, I thought. If he stayed, he wouldn't be able to pursue his music career.
I breathed him in deeply because my reality wouldn't be better than my fantasies for much longer. In a perfect world where we weren't who we were, he could have stayed. I couldn't be the reason Nate Stone didn't get a chance at the music career that he deserved. I couldn't do that to him. I wouldn’t.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Nate