"No celebration, I thought it would look good on you. Put it on." She took it out and undid the little clasp at the back. I helped her fasten it around her neck.
"Thank you; it's so pretty," she said, touching the stone.
"I'm glad you like it."
"Now I wish I had something for you," she said. Time – that was what I needed from her. I didn't need a present. Or maybe she could tell me how the fuck to say what I needed to say without completely wrecking what we had together.
"Think of it as an early birthday present," I said lightly. She was going to be twenty-one early next month and honestly, I wasn't going to be there then to give it to her on her real birthday... But right now, when she was happy and we were spending what had to be one of the last times we were going to get to be together like this, it wasn't the right time for that announcement.
"I love it," she said happily.
"I should have gotten it engraved or something," I said, gently touching the stone.
"And a matching one for yourself."
"I don't think pink's my color," I joked.
"Your initials on the back of this and mine on the back of yours, so you're always thinking of me when you have it on you," she said softly. "At school...work...in battle."
"In battle?" I scoffed. She shrugged slightly.
"You know, if you ever got deployed."
"Not everyone gets sent to a combat zone when they're deployed," I told her.
"But do you think you will?" she asked.
"I don't know. Nobody knows. You just go where they send you."
"That's crazy," she said, shaking her head. I shrugged.
"That's the price of freedom," I said flatly.
"That doesn't change how fucked up it is," she insisted. "I don't know what I'd do if you ended up going over there."
"Going over there is kind of the whole point," I tried to say light-heartedly. She sounded like she was getting upset.
"I know, but I mean, what if something happened to you?" She didn't go into detail, but she didn't have to. I got it. Something happening was anything happening. Losing a leg, or an arm, or my life... The first two were probably a little worse than the last one. I mean, if you die, then you're dead, you don't have to remember what happened to you every day from your wheelchair because you can't walk anymore.
"A lot of guys come back just fine," I said. "Not every vet gets blown up."
"You can't go to a war zone and be just fine. That has to change a person," she said, sighing.
Well, shit. I shut up. I couldn't tell her. What the hell was I about to say? Well, lucky you, Ronnie, guess who got their warning order and has to leave in ten days? I had known for a couple weeks now, and it still wasn't the right time to tell her.
It wasn't like it would blindside her or anything, she knew I was in the army. Right at the end of the semester with finals coming up, I didn't want her to have to worry about this shit, too – because she would worry. And, not a normal kind of worry, either. That was who she was.
She could obsess about things sometimes. She was already worried about something happening to me, and we hadn't even discussed me going anywhere yet. I would have to tell her eventually – there was no way I could just ghost her – but right before finals was the wrong time to do it. She had to concentrate on getting through the semester. We both did. After that, I'd figure it out.
"I knew that when I enlisted," I said soberly.
"Are you scared?"
"No," I said shaking my head. "Right now? I'm more afraid of finals than that."
"There's a chance you'll never have to go over there, though, right?" she asked.
"Yeah, there is."