"You don't need my permission to do these things, Rome," she said lightly. Her voice was light, but she looked troubled.
"I still want to know what you think. It's a big decision. I wanted to talk to you first."
"Why? You need to go, of course; you have to."
"The last time I had to leave I didn't tell you," I said. She sighed and looked down, and I immediately felt bad for bringing it up. I just needed her to know that I wasn't keeping things from her anymore.
"This is your future, the one you've always wanted. You'll do great," she said, giving me a small smile. Again, she was encouraging me, but it felt strained.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing," she said. She sounded distant and distracted – it wasn't nothing.
"Ronnie, tell me what's wrong," I urged.
"It's nothing, okay? I didn't expect you to get feedback this fast. I'm a little surprised, that's all. This is good news for you," she said.
Just for me? When we had been together a win for one of us was one for both of us. We were just getting back on track after not being with each other for a while, but I didn't want to feel good about it if Ron wasn't. She was my main focus besides football, and I cared that I was making her feel secure with what was happening.
"It is. I've wanted this for a long time."
"I know you have. This is good. I'm happy for you."
"We should talk about it," I said.
"What do we need to talk about?"
"Something's bothering you, babe."
"It's nothing," she said. She stood up suddenly, walking around the room. I stood and followed her.
"I know you, Ron, something's wrong. I want you to talk to me."
"Really, it's just... It's nothing to do with you. I'll get over it."
"If there's something wrong, I want us to talk about it together. I made this mistake last time, Ron. I won't do it again," I said, coming up to her.
"This is your big thing. I don't want to make it about me," she said, looking down. I cupped her face and tilted it gently up so she looked at me.
"It is about you, babe. If we're together, I'm thinking about both of us. Okay?" She sighed.
"Okay."
"Will you have dinner with me Wednesday? We can talk about it then." She nodded her head weakly. I kissed her, hoping she could feel how serious I was. She deserved more than that from me, and I wasn't chasing her away again.
"All I'm going to ask you for is a chance to prove myself, Ron. That's all I want." Her hands wrapped around me as she buried her face in my chest. I rubbed circles on her back, hoping she wasn't crying. I needed to make sure she wasn't crying because of me, that I didn't do that to her again.
"I'm trying, Rome, but I can't forget," she said. Her voice was muffled and small. I held her face so she would look at me again. She wasn't crying but her face...that look. Fear, uncertainty, hurt, I had done that to her. She was right to be cautious, what normal person wouldn't be?
"It was my fault. Let me make it right. I want to earn your trust back."
"I don't want to regret this," she said.
"You won't," I said firmly, then slowed down. "Please. Let me in."
"Okay," she said finally. I sighed, relieved. I pressed my lips to hers one more time.
"I'll never make you regret trusting me again, Ron. I swear."