I wrapped my arms tightly around my legs and pressed my forehead against my knees as I squeezed my eyes shut and gently rocked. Brian immediately noticed the change, stopped his pacing, and said, “I’m sorry, Ava. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
“I’m not scared of you, Brian,” I mumbled. “I’m scared of what Dominic might be capable of, and I have no idea what that is.”
“How did you get away from him?” he asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed and gently patted my foot.
“I walked out,” I laughed bitterly. “He cheated on me, and I found out, so I walked out the door and never looked back. How cliché is that? I mean, the guy belittles me, hits me, and basically breaks down every part of me, but I don’t get mad enough to leave until he cheats on me with another woman? What a fool I was.”
“You’re not a fool, Ava,” Brian consoled. “Lots of people go through what you did and never find it in themselves to leave. But you left. You found a way to make yourself safe and you left him.”
I looked up at him with tears running down my face and shook my head as I spoke in a small voice, “But he’s never going to let me get away. Don’t you see? He’s obsessed with me, and I’m never ever going to be free of him.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No, no, I’m not,” I whispered. “If he can’t have me, he’s going to kill me.”
Brian swiftly climbed on to the bed and wrapped his strong arms around my weeping frame and said, “No, he’s most definitely not going to do that.”
“How do you know?” I cried.
“Because if he harms even one hair on your head, I will make sure it’s the last thing he ever does,” he promised in a tense voice as he tightened his arms around me, and for the first time in more than a year, I took a deep breath and relaxed.
*****
We stayed that way for a long time. Brian’s arms felt so strong and warm wrapped around me, and when he rested his chin on the top of my head, I’d never felt safer in my entire life. I felt stiff from having been tensed up for so long, and as Brian ran one hand down my back, I began to relax a little. I didn’t know what to say now; I felt like I’d just put myself through the ringer by telling the story, but Brian had been right, it had felt good to get it out. Somehow, sharing my experience with him had made me feel so much less alone, and all of the awful things that Dominic had done started to belong to him, not me. I wasn’t responsible for his horrible behavior or his violent need to control me. He, and he alone, was responsible for that. Thinking about Dominic sent a shiver up my spine.
“It’s okay,” Brian murmured. “You’re safe, I promise. You’re safe with me.”
I exhaled slowly as I lifted my head and tried to stretch my legs. They’d been crushed up against my chest for so long that they’d fallen asleep, and I couldn’t unbend them. Brian let go of me, leaned back, and gently pulled one leg and then the other out, so that for the first time in hours, I was sitting up straight as he lightly ran his hands up and down my legs, stimulating the circulation. When the pins and needles feeling ran up my legs, I let out a howl as I began kicking my feet, trying to drive it out quickly.
“Stay still!” he laughed. “You’re not going to do anything but make it worse if you kick like that.”
“But it hurts!” I cried as I continued ignoring his advice and kicking my legs. “Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!”
“You are one stubborn woman,” he laughed. “You really ought to listen to me.”
“I know, but I can’t help it!” I laughed along with him as the pain in my legs began to subside. I leaned forward and stretched a little, then sat back up and looked intently at Brian. “Can you do that again?”
“Do what again?” he asked, genuinely confused.
“Make me feel safe like you did a little while ago?” I quietly requested. He looked at me for a long moment, then stood up, leaned over and scooped me up off of the end of the bed, and plopped down with his back against the headboard and me across his lap. He wrapped one arm around my lower back, and brought his other hand up and gently ran it through my hair as he pulled my head to his shoulder. Enveloped in his arms, I sighed quietly as I let go and enjoyed the feeling of his hard, warm body pressed against mine. He rested his chin on my head again as his finger played with my hair, gently brushing it away from my face. I studied the vein that was pulsing at the base of his neck as I felt the warmth of his arms wrapped around me, and without thinking, I leaned forward and kissed the spot where his neck met his collarbone.
“Ava…” His surprise was evident, but he didn’t pull away. “I’m not sure if this is…”
“I am,” I whispered, as I leaned in and ran a string of light kisses down his jawline. Brian inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly as he fought to keep things under control. I, on the other hand, continued to work to upset the balance, and as I continued kissing his jaw, I lifted my hand to stroke his cheek. That elicited a quiet groan from his lips as he brought his hand to my face and tipped my chin up so we were looking into each other’s eyes.
He stroked my cheek with his thumb as he gazed at me, and then murmured, “So beautiful,” before dipping his head and lightly brushing my lips with his. I hadn’t been with anyone—or even wanted to be with anyone—in the year since I’d left Dominic, and the sensation of his lips against mine awakened my desire in a way I hadn’t anticipated.
Brian must have felt the change, and he pulled back and asked, “Are you sure?” I was more than sure, and I nodded as I reached up and pulled his lips back down to mine. His were soft as he traced the edge of my mouth with his tongue, gently parting my lips so our tongues could find each other. He teased me as he began gliding his hands down my body, roaming over my curves and then returning to caress my face as our kiss deepened.
Soon, he reached down and tugged the edge of my T-shirt and pulled it up over my head. My bra joined the T-shirt on the floor in quick order as he slipped out from under me and lowered me onto my back. I looked up at him as he unzipped his hoodie, tossed it to the floor, and then stripped the standard white T-shirt from his body. I inhaled sharply as I took in his broad, muscled chest and strong arms, and moments later, he was pressing them against my bare skin as he leaned down and continued kissing me. I ran my hands down his arms and felt the muscles bulging under my fingertips, and moaned softly as his hands found my sensitive nipples and began circling them with his fingers. He pulled back and watched me closely as he teased them into erect points before dipping his head down and capturing one between his lips. The sensation was unlike anything I’d ever felt before, and I cried out as I buried my fingers in his thick hair and pulled him against my breasts. He continued licking and sucking as one hand moved lower and found the waistband of my pants, and moments later, he pushed himself up off my body so that he could strip me bare.
I lay on the bed as he ran his eyes and his hands over my now-naked body. He kept murmuring, “So beautiful” as he touched me, and he kept looking back up at my face as if to ask if I was alright. I nodded and pulled him back down against me, kissing him deeply and urging him to continue as I unzipped his pants and tried to push them off of him. I was pinned under him, and we both laughed a little as he was forced to pull his own pants off.
Now both naked, the urgency of our need took over, and we began grinding against one another; skin on skin as we kissed and touched, exploring each other’s bodies. I could feel Brian’s hardness pressing against my leg and I braced myself for what I thought would come
next, but he felt the slight shift and stopped to look at me for a moment. “You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I looked away. “Bad memory of another lifetime, sorry.”