“No, he’s not here. I’m just taking a break, actually.”
She gave me a surprised look. “You’re working? Like a job?”
I knew what that look said: no way a spoiled, rich girl like you is on her lunch break from a job. My parents were being judgmental assholes about this whole thing with Graham, but, I realized, it could also go the other way, because here was his mom, sitting here, judging me just because my parents were wealthy.
“It’s not a job, exactly,” I said. “I’m working on a sculpture.”
“Oh.” Janice looked a little smug. “So, it’s not a job at all, then. I’ll take a large iced coffee,” she said to one of the waitresses behind the counter.
“Well, no, it’s not a job, but it’s something that I’m spending a lot of time on, and it’s going to be in an art show at the end of the summer.” I could hear the defensive note in my voice, and I was suddenly overcome with the desire to make her understand that I wasn’t someone who just sat around and expected everything to be given to me on a silver platter.
“An art show,” she said. “Now that sounds fancy. I tried to go to an art museum once. In Boston. I thought it’d be a nice way to spend the day, and I’d always been hearing people talk about what a fine experience it was, how they felt so enriched by it, blah blah blah. So I went and I was thoroughly unimpressed. Half of the shit didn’t even seem like art; it was like something a 5-year-old could do.”
“You must’ve gone to the MoMA.”
“The whatta?”
“The Museum of Modern Art. Sometimes modern art can seem like that. Like it was done by a 5-year-old.”
She waved me off. “Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t remember what it was called, I just remember not enjoying myself and leaving not feeling enriched. I like art, just not that kind. That’s where Graham gets it, you know. So, have you still been seeing him? I don’t talk to him nearly as much as I’d like to, so I don’t really know what’s going on in his life.”
“Yeah,” I said. I paused, wondering if I should just leave it at that or actually tell her we were going out. “We’re ... we’re ki
nd of seeing each other.”
She looked at me curiously. “Seeing each other? Dating, you mean?”
“Um ... yeah. Like, boyfriend and girlfriend.”
“I see.” She nodded slowly. “This is the first I’m hearing of it, of course, because, like I said, Graham doesn’t really seem to have much time for me these days.”
“I’m sure he’d be happy to see you,” I said, though I wasn’t sure if this was true or not.
“Is he paying you to say that? He knows where to find me if he wants, and he doesn’t ever seem to come around to visit, so I don’t think he’d be that thrilled to see me. But I guess that’s just how it goes sometimes, right? I try not to get hurt feelings over it. He’s an adult, he’s got his own life, I know how it goes.”
“My parents aren’t really speaking to me at the moment,” I blurted out. I knew Janice didn’t really like me, so there wasn’t much point in telling her any of this, but I just found myself unable to stop talking. “They’re pissed because I’m seeing Graham. More than that though, they’re pissed because I’m not just doing what they say anymore. I was like that for a while. I just always did what I thought they wanted. At first because I thought that was the right thing, and then later just because I didn’t want to make them mad, because it just seemed easier. But I realize that was stupid, because now they just expect me to do what they think I should.”
Janice took a sip of her iced coffee. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that,” she said. “I don’t know the details, but it sounds like one of those situations that will just blow over if you give it enough time.”
“I don’t know. My father can be really stubborn when he wants to be. And my mom is just kind of going along with him.”
“You should call your mom. I don’t know the woman, but I’m sure she’d like to speak with you.”
“I know,” I said. “I should, but ....”
“Men are different. Men can just turn their emotions on and off at will, it seems. But a mom will always want to talk to her child. Has Graham ever mentioned his father?”
“No, I don’t think he has.”
“Graham’s father was able to just completely act like Graham didn’t even exist. Had no interest in ever even meeting him. Could you imagine that? Having a child out there in the world that you’ve never met? That you don’t even care about? No way I could ever do something like that.”
“That’s awful,” I said.
“It is awful. But of course, that’s just what men do. Well, some men. And I did as good as I could with Graham, which, I can admit, wasn’t always perfect. But I’ve always wanted the best for him. And it sounds like that’s what your parents want, too, even if they’re not going about expressing that the right way.” Janice nudged me with her elbow. “You know what you should do? You should give her a call. You’re her daughter; I’m sure she misses you a great deal, even if it has only been a few days. I know I miss Graham, but I try not to bug him too much. I don’t care what kind of argument we got into; I’d always be happy to get a call from him. I bet your mom feels the same way.”
“Maybe you’re right,” I said.
After I finished eating, I stayed and talked with Janice a little while longer, and then I told her I had to get back to the studio.