Firefighter's Virgin

I almost smiled. It was not just intuition on her part—she understood me. She knew what to say…and not say to make me feel better. She knew I didn’t need to hear that this was part of the job and that death was part of life. She knew I didn’t need apologies and unnecessary platitudes. I just needed to talk about what had happened… I needed to remember him so that next time, I could do better.

“His name was Daniel Peterson,” I said. “He was seventy-one years old. He had a wife; I think her name was Lisa. She was in the car with him.”

“She made it?”

“She was taken to the hospital,” I said. “I don’t know what happened to her after that, but I think she’ll be okay. She kept asking if Daniel had made it… She kept calling out different names. I think they were the names of her children, maybe even her grandchildren.”

“What names did she call out?”

“Samantha, Ellie, and Jonathan,” I said. “He looked scared, Megan. I was with him when the life went out of him. It’s the most haunting thing to watch. One moment you can see his consciousness reflected in his eyes and the next moment…there’s nothing there. He’s just…an empty shell with nothing inside.

“It makes you realize how unimportant are bodies are in the greater scheme of things. They’re just carriers for our souls.

“He was looking at me when he died. And, he was scared. I could see that clearly. But it was more than just a fear of death. He was looking at me as though he were terrified I would leave. He didn’t want to be alone. I think he knew he was going and was scared of what would meet him when he did. He looked like a child at that moment, and it made me feel scared for him.”

“Do you need me to come over?” Megan asked softly.

“That’s sweet of you, but it’s late, and I don’t want you coming over at this time. I’m just going to sleep now, anyway. I might be out for a while, but I’ll call you when I wake up.”

“Get your rest,” she said, with understanding. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“It was nice to hear your voice,” I said. “I knew it would make me feel better.”

I could tell instinctively that she was smiling. “I’m glad. If you have trouble sleeping, call me, okay? No matter the time.”

“I will.” I nodded.

“Goodnight, Phil.”

I said goodnight and hung up. My head was much lighter than before I had spoken to Megan and because of that, I was able to fall into sleep easily. Thankfully, I had a dreamless sleep, and when I woke up the sun was streaming through the cracks in the blinds, alerting me to mid-morning.

Feeling much better, I stretched and reached for my phone. There were two missed calls from Brent and a long text message. I opened the message and read through it, feeling slightly amused and slightly annoyed at the same time.

“Yo Fucktard…it’s been ages. Have you abandoned me for my sister? Do I need to remind you that you knew me first? I thought it was bros over hoes… Not that my sister is a whore or anything, but you know what I mean. Careful or you might turn into one of those horse-whipped losers whose whole life revolves around their woman. Just saying.”

I rolled my eyes at his obvious attempt to manipulate me into spending more time with him. I decided not to argue with him. Brent could be annoying at the best of times and downright infuriating when he was upset about something. And considering he was Megan’s brother, I didn’t want to piss him off too much.

I had a shower and then I scarfed down some eggs and toast, despite the fact that it was nearly lunchtime. After I was done, I decided to bite the bullet and just call Brent.

“Hi, dude,” I said, when he picked up.

“Who’s this?” Brent asked mockingly.

“Ha-ha,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Very funny.”

“I’m serious, do I know you?”

“Will you cut the dramatic shit?” I said. “You’re such a child.”

“Hey, it’s gonna be years before I grow up.”

“I’ve realized that.” I nodded.

“So…you got my message?” he asked.

“Yes, I got your message,” I replied. “It was subtle as ever.”

“So I’m assuming you called to meet up soon?” he asked.