My office was a small, cramped space with just enough room for my desk and a small shelf of books and files. Still, I was pleased. It felt somehow like an initiation. I had taught classes before, but it was always as the understudy to a tenured professor.
I leafed through my books and checked my schedule for what felt like the tenth time that day. If I had been the nervous type, I might have felt a little daunted at the prospect of teaching an independent class, but I was ready, and I was confident.
I still had a few minutes before I needed to get to Abram’s Lecture Hall where my class was taking place, but I wanted to get there a little early to get the measure of the students I would be teaching. As I walked through the halls of the North Greenfield campus, I reflected on my own student life, almost eight years ago.
I remembered the wild parties, the one-night stands, and that inexplicable feeling of believing that it would last forever.
I remembered the one girl who had managed to get a commitment out of me during those four years. Daniela O’Shea was a blonde-haired beauty with the full lips and doe eyes that made guys go wild. I was so mesmerized by those eyes that I had convinced myself I was in love with her.
We’d slept together for the first time the night we decided to be exclusive. And it was as I was staring at her sleeping face afterward that I realized I had made a mistake. I didn’t love Daniela. I loved her body and her eyes and her perfect ass, but I didn’t love her.
I had dragged the relationship on for a couple of weeks before finally ending it with her. She threw her Greek history book at me and then proceeded to follow me back to my dorm, screaming obscenities at me the whole way.
At the time, I hadn’t found it so amusing, but now the memory made me smile. I walked into the lecture hall and attached my USB to the laptop. Economics 401. It was a subject I had grown into, and it was a subject I knew would be difficult for the average senior to grasp.
Soon a stream of students started filing in. I had been given the enrollment numbers prior to the school year, so I knew there would be around eighty students in attendance. I scrolled through my Power Point presentation on the computer, but I made sure to pay attention to the students coming in.
I couldn’t help but notice all the girls walking past me. They were young and attractive, and I felt a keen sense of desire to be my twenty-one-year-old self again. I turned my gaze back to the computer and reminded myself that the university had a strict policy prohibiting relationships between students and teachers. I might not have paid that much attention to the rule had the consequence not been the immediate dismissal of the professor from their teaching post.
I wasn’t willing to commit to any woman at this point, and I certainly wasn’t going to risk my career for one night of meaningless sex.
Once the lecture hall was reasonably full, I switched on the projector and walked around the desk to face my students.
“Good morning everyone,” I started.
I was vain enough to enjoy the appreciative glances from a few young women in the first few rows.
“I’m Chance William, and this is Econ 401. Our focus is going to be macroeconomic world trends. Now, I know that in order to qualify for this class everyone here would have had to have completed three previous economics courses. However, that does not mean this is going to be easy. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee it won’t be.
“I can stand here and tell you that you’re all a smart bunch of students who can get through this course easily, but I prefer to be realistic. In addition to the course books you’ve been assigned, I plan on giving you a separate reading list to complete. There’s going to be a lot of research involved with every assignment, and you’re looking at two assignments every month until the finals.
“I’m not here to coddle anyone, nor am I willing to give any student special attention if they find themselves struggling. I intend to evaluate your assignments mid-semester and anyone who doesn’t get a passing grade will be advised to drop the course in favor of a subject that’s less demanding.
“I’m being straight with you so that you can make the decision. Can you handle this course? If you feel you can’t, then I suggest you walk out now.”
I could see a couple of students looking positively terrified. Others looked smug and determined, and some just seemed indifferent. I stood there and waited. A minute later, the first student rose. He was a gangly-looking frat boy in the back row. As he rose, the three guys sitting next to him got up, too, and the four of them headed out together. Their exit gave a few others the courage to leave, too. As soon as the door had closed behind them, I turned back to the remaining students.
“Either you guys are confident or stupid,” I smirked, igniting a soft spattering of laughter. “Time will tell.”
I walked back around to my desk, but I still wasn’t done with my little introduction speech. I knew it wasn’t the positive pep talk that most professors liked to give their students, but I had never appreciated that approach as a student. I had expected and demanded honesty from my professors, and that was precisely what I was going to give my students. I took too much pride in my teaching to give them anything less.
“My office will be open for consultations twice a week. You can come to me if you have any questions, but as I said before, I’m not here to hold your hand through this semester. This is a four hundred level course, and I expect you all to know what you’re capable of.”
I had just started introducing the subject when my eyes fell onto a mousy dark-haired girl in the front row. I wasn’t sure why my eyes kept traveling back to her during the course of the lecture, but there was something about her face that I liked. I just couldn’t put my finger on what exactly it was.
She had an oval face, dark brown hair that she had pulled back into a tight ponytail, and deep blue eyes hidden behind a pair of overly large glasses. She was pretty, but it looked as though she had taken pains to hide that fact. She was wearing a dark green combat jacket over a black t-shirt that looked a size too big for her.
Her eyes met mine at one point during the lecture, and I gave her a smile. She seemed a little surprised by the intimacy of that small gesture and looked down immediately, breaking the eye contact and making me realize she was the shy and reserved type. Somehow, it endeared her to me, and I found myself looking at her more and
more often. For a second, I actually found myself wondering what she looked like underneath all those layers.
An hour later, my first lecture came to an end, and I had successfully avoided looking in the direction of the mousy dark-haired girl for nearly ten full minutes.
As the students shuffled out of the lecture theater, I packed up my things and headed back to my tiny office to prepare for my next lecture. I observed a few sophomores walking past. They were all dressed in a similar fashion: tight jeans and off the shoulder blouses that were just short enough to expose a hint of stomach.
My thoughts turned back to Daniela. I remembered those few weeks that I had played at being the boyfriend. I found myself dreading the predictable clichés of relationships and the way they seemed to tie me down. Even the sex seemed to change once she started referring to me as her boyfriend. It became strangely bland, an itch that needed to be scratched rather than a passion that never burnt out.
I sat down at my desk and checked my cell phone. There were two missed calls, both of which were from Sophie. I called her number and propped my feet up on my desk as the dial tone sounded.