I had moved here to Chapin right after Declan’s first birthday, about a two-hour drive from the coastal town I’d grown up in, where my parents still lived. How had I picked Chapin? I’d gotten a call from one of my former professors at Boston University, and she told me a friend of hers who worked at a clinic in rural Maine was going to be moving to California soon and was actively looking to hire a replacement, as opposed to shutting the clinic. When I had first started my residency, I’d had these grand ideas in my head, a busy urban office, sleek décor, half a dozen colleagues, maybe some sort of specialized medicine. But then, you know, life happened, and I decided to take a chance and move to Chapin.
It was going better than I expected; I liked working in a small-town. I liked getting to know the people and being able to spend more than five minutes with them. What I hadn’t been expecting was Ben to move, too, but he did, some six months later, saying that he wanted a change of scenery, even though all he was really trading was the ocean of eastern Maine for the mountains in the western foothills.
Whatever his motives were, I was grateful he had done so. I had some other parent acquaintances, but no real friends. There were also very few other dads at the playground; most often it would be me, pushing Declan in the swing or chasing him down the plastic slide, with a gaggle of mothers all sitting together, gossiping at a picnic table, while their children played. The teachers at Declan’s school were always kind, but again, I was one of very few guys who was doing the daily drop-off/pick-up duty.
It wasn’t at all the way I thought things were going to have worked out, but this was the reality now, and there was nothing I could do to change that. It was easy to think back to mistakes that had been made and how things could have been done differently, but what was the point? There was no way to take certain things back, and you just had to deal with the choices you had made.
Chapter Three
Allie
My dentist appointment had been relatively uneventful, though a little painful. No cavities, but I did have a few sensitive spots on my bottom molars. I was more anxious about going to the doctor’s and hopefully getting something that was going to clear up what I hoped was just a run-of-the-mill UTI. It’s not like it would be an STD or anything, seeing as I hadn’t had sex with anyone, though that hadn’t stopped me from Googling “STD from public restroom?”
The receptionist, who wasn’t much older than I was, gave me a clipboard with some paperwork to fill out.
“I don’t have my insurance card yet,” I said. “I just started my new job, and I haven’t received my card in the mail. I did talk to them on the phone, though, and they gave me the number.”
“Great,” she said. “That’ll be fine. And just bring your card with you the next time you come into the office. You can have a seat, and they’ll call you back when they’re ready.”
I had just started to read a magazine when a different woman called my name. If this had been a city office, I would have been sitting here waiting for at least 15 minutes, probably closer to half an hour. I slid the magazine back in the rack and stood up.
“Hi there, Allison,” the nurse said. “My name’s Kathy. Why don’t you follow me.” I followed her through a door that led out of the waiting room and into a hallway; to the left was the receptionist’s office, and to the right were the exam rooms. We went into room two, and Kathy had me put my stuff down and sit on one of the chairs.
“I’m just going to take your blood pressure,” she said. “You’ll be meeting with Dr. Becker.” She secured the blood pressure cuff around my upper arm. “If you want me to stay in the room while he does the exam, I can.”
“That’s okay,” I said. While it was nice of her to offer, the less people in the room when my feet were up in the stirrups, the better. The cuff squeezed my arm tighter and tighter.
Finally, right when it felt like it was about to snap my arm in half, the pressure released, and the nurse wrote something down on my chart.
“It’s 118 over 70,” she said. “Looks good. I just need to take your temperature, then you can change into that gown and the doctor will be right in to see you. And if you change your mind about there being a third person in here, don’t be afraid to speak up.”
I opened my mouth, and she placed the thermometer under my tongue. Once she was done, she smiled and then stepped out of the room so I could get changed.
I changed into the paper dressing gown, feeling somewhat ridiculous, as anyone would wearing something as silly as this. I left my socks on, but folded the rest of my clothes into a neat pile and placed them on the chair. I shimmied back up onto the exam table, the paper crinkling underneath me. I sat there and looked around at the off-white walls, the glossy poster with graphics showing the female menstrual cycle, and then another showing a fetus progressing through the months of pregnancy. A third poster proclaimed in big rainbow font how important it was to eat fruits and vegetables in all colors. The strawberries looked good, and I made a mental note to pick some up at the farmers’ market I was hoping to go to after my appointment.
There was a gentle tap at the door.
I cleared my throat. “Come in,” I said.
The door opened, and my new next door neighbor walked in, wearing a button-down shirt and a pair of smooth khaki pants. He had a stethoscope hung sideways around his neck. I couldn’t tell if he was surprised to see me or not—his expression didn’t really change—but I was unable to keep the shock off of my own face.
Never mind the fact that I was sitting here in a fucking paper gown.
“Oh!” I said. “I... um... I didn’t realize that you were the doctor here. I mean, I know you said that you were a doctor, but I didn’t know that it would be here because if I did I probably would have—”
I stopped talking because I knew how foolish I sounded. It occurred to me suddenly what would be happening in a few minutes, what he was going to do, and I felt my face flush.
“Allison O’Keefe,” he said. He smiled. “But you’d rather go by Allie, right?”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
“I didn’t realize it would be you, either, and I can certainly understand if you’d rather see someone else. However, I can also assure you that I will be completely professional about this and am happy to do your exam today if you decide that’s what you’d like to do.”
I didn’t know what to do. I truly had no idea—if I said I wanted to see someone else, that meant I cared what he thought, which was ridiculous because I didn’t even know him. I didn’t want him to think that I was that sort of girl who would run away from an appointment like this just because the person doing it happened to be good-looking. And also, it was still really burning when I went to the bathroom, and I wanted to get a prescription if that was the only way to remedy the situation.
“It’s fine,” I said.
“Are you sure? Do you want Kathy to come back in?”