Teacher's Pet

“Yeah, not that kind,” I said. “But congrats—I know you’d been trying to do that for a while. No, my encounter was with a student. Who came to me asking for extra credit.” I took another sip of my beer. There was absolutely no reason to tell Jack this, other than for the shock factor—I knew this wasn’t something he’d ever condone—but especially since I’d just talked to Aaron, I had a strong urge to at least say something that someone else might find a little shocking. And Jack, being about as wholesome as they come, was the perfect target.

“Ah, the good old extra credit. I had a few students after me about it, too. It’s funny, though—the ones that were asking me for it weren’t the ones that actually needed to improve their grades. But I came up with a couple good assignments. What’d you come up with?”

“Uh, let’s see: I told her she could be my sex toy.”

He laughed. “Ha ha, that’s a good one. What’d you really tell her?”

“That’s what I really told her. It’s not something I’d been planning or anything, but it just seemed like the thing I was supposed to say.”

His eyes widened. “You’re not kidding?”

“Afraid not.”

“Are you trying to get fired?”

I shrugged. “Maybe not actively trying, but if I were canned, I can’t say I’d be heartbroken.”

He looked truly horrified. “You could get into a lot of trouble, Leo,” Jack said. “It would end your career if something like that got out. Why would you do it? What did she say?”

“Listen, don’t get too upset. I might have said it, but it’s not like I’d actually go through with it. And she just sort of left, anyway. I don’t think she was expecting it.”

“Of course she wasn’t! A student doesn’t go to her teacher asking for extra credit, expecting to get propositioned!”

“Well, I guess it’s good that I was completely joking about it,” I said. “I was just saying it to get a reaction. It was actually mildly disappointing.”

“You’ve got to apologize to her,” Jack said.

“Apologize? I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You propositioned a student! That’s completely wrong. Maybe if you apologize, she won’t tell Shannon. Even if she doesn’t go to Shannon, she might tell Carla, and if she tells Carla, she’s all but told Shannon.”

“Are you worried this is going to reflect poorly upon you?” I asked. “Because if that’s the case, I’ll make sure that everyone knows that you had nothing to do with this.”

“It’s not just that,” Jack said. He looked at me closely. “I don’t want to see your career go down the toilet just because of some dumb thing you said to a student.”

“Career?” I snorted. “That’s hilarious.” But I could see how seriously Jack was taking this whole thing. Like it meant something to him. He actually cared that I could very well get fired over something like this. “Fine,” I said, relenting. “I’ll apologize for my faux pas. Okay? Does that make you happy?”

“That’s a start,” Jack said. He looked past me, toward the door, a smile lighting up his face. “Hey, look who it is!” he said, though I already knew who it was, without needing to turn and look. It was my ex-girlfriend, Colette, who had somehow not broken up with me after I came clean to her about sleeping with my former boss’s wife.

“Hey you two!” she said, looking surprised to see us here. Which I knew was a big act; she’d come here specifically hoping to run into us.

“Hey, Colette.” Jack had that ridiculous smile on his face; he was always happy to see her. Why they didn’t get together was a complete mystery.

Colette slid onto the empty bar stool next to me. “How are you, Leo?” she asked. “I’ve texted you a few times, and you haven’t gotten back to me.”

“Sorry. I’ve been really busy,” I said. The truth was, I’d deleted the texts as soon as they’d come in, not bothering to read them. I knew they’d go something along the lines of: Want to meet up for coffee? I’ve been thinking about you. I miss you. “Was it anything important?”

“No, not really. I was just wondering about you and thought that maybe we could go out for coffee or something.”

“That sounds like a great idea,” Jack said. “The two of you need to check out that new coffee shop that opened on Mason and Pine. They’ve got a great cold brew.”

“I’ve been meaning to check that place out!” Colette said. She duffed me on the arm. “What do you say? All three of us could go this weekend.”

“Uh no, I’m pretty busy,” I said. I looked at her. “Colette, what are you doing here?”

A quizzical expression crossed her face. “What do you mean? Am I not allowed to come out to a bar?”

“Of course you are, but I find it a little strange that you’re here, considering you never would have known about this place if you hadn’t come here with me, and there are about 20 better bars to go to in your own neighborhood.”