“Oh?” He shuffled back into the living room, where his coffee table was covered with folders and stacks of papers and different colored highlighters. “I was just trying to get through this mountain of paperwork I’ve got to grade.”
“You should really get yourself a teaching assistant.”
“I’ve considered it.”
“Anyway, that’s not why I’m here, to talk about the merits of having a teaching assistant.”
Jack smiled. “I wouldn’t think so.”
“Well, I had a surprise visit from Colette today,” I said. “She wanted to talk about the fact that she was so concerned for my well-being. Apparently, you are, too.”
Jack didn’t say anything for a moment, but he at least had the self-respect to not bother denying it.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have betrayed your trust like that. The last thing I want is to see something bad happen to someone because of it. But I saw Colette a couple nights ago, and we got talking, and . . . it just sort of came out.”
“Right,” I said dryly. “And how exactly does something like that just sort of come up? Call me crazy, but I can’t really think of a natural way to work that into a conversation.”
“I don’t remember the exact line of conversation, to be perfectly honest. But we were talking about you. She still feels very strongly about you, Leo.”
“That has nothing to do with anything. You shouldn’t have told her that. I only shared that information with you because I assumed you’d keep it to yourself. Clearly, I was wrong.”
“I haven’t gone and told anyone else,” Jack said. “You’re making me sound like some sort of gossip. Which I’m not. This is coming from concerned friends who don’t want to see you end up getting in a shitload of trouble. That’s what friends do for each other, you know. They watch out for each other. And if they see that their friend is doing something that could potentially get them into a lot of trouble, they don’t just stand back and say nothing.”
“All right,” I said. “Fair enough. You’ve both expressed your concern now. I hear it loud and clear. But what I don’t think the two of you are getting is that I am actually enjoying my life again. I am looking forward to getting up each morning. I’m not thinking about how fucking monotonous everything has gotten, how each day is the same. Because it’s not. Is it the most orthodox thing to be doing? No, but maybe that’s just not my style. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Tessa is 21. She’s not some 15-year-old high schooler who’s confused and trying to resolve her daddy issues. If Tessa wasn’t my student, I don’t think either of you would have anything to say about it. Well, Colette might,” I said, reconsidering.
“I’m happy to hear that life suddenly has new meaning,” Jack said, and I couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not. “I didn’t realize that you were so miserable before. But I think there are other ways that you could go about trying to absolve your misery. You used to have a lot of interests in things, you know. Sports. New places. And then after you got fired from the magazine, you just seemed to forget about all of that. It sort of seems like you gave up.”
“I didn’t give up. Yeah, I might’ve fallen
into a little bit of a rut. But I got canned from a job I really loved! I think that’s a perfectly normal response.”
“Yeah, and why did you get canned?”
I knew exactly where he was going with this, and I wasn’t going to play that game. He wanted me to say I got canned because I’d stuck my dick somewhere it didn’t belong, and here I was, doing it again.
“If I want your opinion, or your psychological analysis, I will ask for it,” I said. “And if I don’t ask for it, I would truly appreciate it if you would keep those thoughts to yourself.”
“Okay,” he said. “But . . . I’m just going to tell you this: I saw her.”
“Who?”
“Tessa. And she was talking with that Nick kid; I think he’s in one of your classes. And . . . I don’t know, it just seemed like there was something more there going on between them.”
“Like what?” I tried to keep my voice as neutral as possible. “They had a relationship before, but it ended. The same way my relationship with Colette ended. Why do people have such a hard time getting over these things?”
“You’ve clearly never been in love with someone just to have them break up with you.”
“What did you see?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Nothing that out of the ordinary. It’s not like they were all over each other or anything like that, but it seemed like they were being . . . friendly. And you know, what if this is just some sort of game for her? What if it’s—”
“She’s allowed to talk to other guys. I’m not going to turn into some controlling, jealous asshole, if that’s what you’re trying to incite here.”
“I’m not trying to incite anything; I’m just trying to get you to see that there’s probably someone better for you out there, and someone better for her, too.”
“Well, while we’re on the subject, how many people have you told about this?”
“Just Colette.”