“She simply asked if you stop by there as soon as possible.”
“Okay, I'll do that. Thanks for passing on the message.
”
He smiled at me. “No problem, Eryn. Keep up the good work, by the way; your grades are looking great this semester!”
“Thanks, Dr. Adams,” I said, and then I turned and left.
It was always comforting to know that I was doing well, even though I didn't really have much interest in the subject I’d chosen as my major.
I'd chosen computer programming because I knew there would be excellent work opportunities after I graduated and that was important to me. Seeing my mom suffer through her low pay and long hours just to take care of my sister and me made me focus more on making sure I could land a good job after college, rather than what I’d wanted to study.
Make no mistake, my mind was fully committed to my studies, but deep down, I'd wanted to major in art. Painting was my passion and I was good at it – really good. But realistically, I knew it wouldn't be a field in which I could make a solid living – and I wanted to be certain of a steady income, not only for my sake, but for my mom's. She had suffered long enough, and anything I could do to help her out – well, I'd do it.
As I approached the finance office, I wondered why they wanted to talk to me. I couldn't help but feel a tingle of nerves brewing in my gut. I couldn't afford to lose my scholarship, not now. There was no way either my mom or I could afford to pay full tuition.
Sometimes, I regretted the decision I'd made. I'd been offered a full scholarship to Duke University, but I'd turned it down and taken the partial one offered by Florida State just because I'd wanted to stay here for my mom's sake. With my sister all the way across the country, I was the only person Mom had. She tried to make me take it, make me go to Duke, but without me here, she'd be alone and I couldn’t stand the thought of that at the time.
Even though it was sometimes hard to accept, I knew deep down that I'd made the right decision at that point in my life. In some ways, I realized now that it was more for me than her. I wasn’t quite ready to be so far from home then.
Feeling more than a little anxious, I stepped into the finance office. The secretary looked up at me as I walked in.
“Can I help you?”
“I'm Eryn Barnett. I was told I needed to come here.”
She ruffled through a stack of papers on her desk, and then she smiled as she found my file. “Ah, here's yours.”
She skimmed through it, and the smile on her face rapidly changed to a frown. “Close the door, sweetie, and have a seat,” she directed.
I complied and slumped down into the seat in front of her desk, not liking the look on her plump, rosy cheeks.
“Hmmm,” she mumbled to herself. “You're here on a volleyball scholarship, aren't you?”
“I am, yes,” I replied, the nervousness inside me growing exponentially.
“Yes. Well, you see, the finance director just completed an audit of all scholarships and found that you haven't actually been playing much. With the amount of scholarship money you are receiving, the director feels you should not only be playing, but starting.”
My cheeks felt hot with both embarrassment and frustration.
“That's true, but, aren't you guys aware of the controversy with the former coach? He-”
“We know of the allegations, but unfortunately, since he hasn't been convicted yet, we can't take those into account.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“I'm sorry, Miss Barnett, but if you aren't playing and benefiting the athletic program this season, the school will have no choice but to revoke your scholarship. Funding is tight this year, and the university has instructed us to trim the budget wherever possible. I'm sorry to bring you this news, Miss Barnett, but you must understand that we simply can't afford to fund students who don't perform at the level expected of them.”
I breathed in a long, slow breath, fighting the tears that threatened to pour out. “I understand,” I replied slowly. “Is that all? Can I go now?”
“You can go,” she said.
I walked out sluggishly, my steps heavy. If I lost this scholarship…no, I couldn't even begin to consider that. That wasn’t an option. I had to make that starting lineup, whatever it took.
I was supposed to meet Leena for coffee, but now I knew that I couldn't. I needed to get to the gym and train, instead. I took out my phone, sent her an apologetic message, and then gritted my teeth and headed off to the locker room.
*****