I guess that since I didn't really know what to do – and, apparently, neither did she, as I hadn't heard anything from her – I needed to at least think of something. Pacing my bedroom wasn’t getting me anywhere. I got out my phone and began composing a message.
Hi, Eryn. I just wanted to check on you after what happened in the parking lot. I was going to call, but if you’re with your mom, I don’t want to interrupt.
But here’s the thing… I don't know what to say. I want you to know that it wasn't planned, it just happened. I don't know why. But it felt right. Still, despite this, I know it probably wasn't what we should have done. Let's, for the moment, just continue as if it hadn't happened.
I admit, I care about you very, very much, but your volleyball career is my primary concern. You are one of the best players I've ever come across, and I don't want you to get in trouble with the university. And, I'm sure you can appreciate that I don't want to get in trouble, either. So, for both our sakes, let's just pretend it didn't happen…for now.
And remember, I'm here for you, if you need anything, anything at all. Including car repair. :)
I read the message again and realized that I didn't even know what I was trying to say – but I was really stuck. It was kind of the best I could come up with. Not that it was saying much. I sighed and sent it.
I waited with bated breath for a few minutes, and then my heart began to pound as the phone screen lit up with her reply. With anxious, fumbling fingers I opened the message.
Thanks, Wade. I agree. I can't afford to lose my spot on the team and my scholarship. I really can't. And as you said, I need to put my volleyball career first. So it's probably best that we pretend it didn't happen.
And furthermore, we need to make sure that it never, ever happens again. I'm sorry, but I don't want to cross this line between us again. I don't even want to get close to that line again. Ever.
I appreciate all the help you've given me, especially with my mom, but I think it's best that outside of the volleyball court, we keep a good distance from each other. I know you understand.
I couldn't help but sigh and shake my head. What she was saying made sense, of course, and it was the reasonable and rational way to approach this. It sounded, though, like she really, really regretted that kiss. Had I read too much into it? Had it not meant to her what it had meant to me?
I didn't know what she was actually feeling, but I was confused…and maybe a little hurt.
I typed out a simple response.
Thanks for the reply. I agree – your volleyball career comes ahead of everything else, and I am sorry for stepping over the line. It won't happen again. Have a great weekend.
I sent it and put the phone in my pocket, then flopped down on my bed and simply stared at the ceiling.
Chapter Thirteen
Eryn
I didn't know what I was feeling in the car as I drove away. It all felt surreal; I couldn't believe that what had just happened had actually happened.
Had I really just been making out with Wade? Had that been real? It felt so much like a dream now that I was beginning to doubt my own sanity. This was crazy, it really was. I knew I'd need time to think about all of this – and someone to talk to.
But who?
As much as Leena was my best friend, there was no way I could talk to her about this. I mean, she'd had no idea I'd even been attracted to Wade, or he to me. So, jumping straight into an “I just kissed Coach Vinson” conversation would most likely blow her circuits. Besides, it would just be easier to talk to someone who was totally outside the situation.
My sister. She and I had always been super close, and I knew that I could count on her to keep a secret – and to give me good, honest advice. Plus, she understood where I was coming from, as she knew the secret about my volleyball scholarship, and of course our family's financial situation and mom's current health woes. She knew all about each of these little disasters, so I thought she'd be able to give some good advice about how to deal with this latest situation and all the complexity it introduced into everything else.
I didn't want to call her from home, as Leena would be there and would no doubt hear what I was talking about, so I just carried on driving as I reached my building, and went straight past and headed to the park down the road. It was a big park which spanned the area of a few blocks, so if I went for a walk into the middle, I'd find a space where I'd be able to talk to Anne without having anyone too near who could hear our conversation.
I parked the car and started walking along the bike path. When I got near the little lake at the center of the park, I veered off the path and headed over to an open area of grass where there weren't many people around, only a few people riding bicycles on the bike path, some kids throwing frisbees around, and some couples picnicking here and there. For the most part, they were pretty spread out, so I felt it was private enough.
I got my phone out and dialed Anne. “Hey, Peanut,” she said as she answered.
“Hey, Annie,” I replied.
“Congrats on winning the game!” she exclaimed. “I know, I know…I've already sent you a million messages, but it's good to be able to say it to you. You seriously kicked ass out there. Your coach was so awesome to set that up on Skype for us! It was so cool to watch you play, Eryn, you were amazing!”
“Thanks, Annie,” I replied, still not sure of how to get onto the topic of Wade.
“How's Mom?” she asked. “She doing better?”
“I haven't seen her today yet. I called her after the game and talked to her, but she did sound better. I'm on my way to see her now.”