Nausea swished and sloshed its discomfort around my belly. I did my best to tiptoe around the glass shards, making sure I didn't cut my feet open, and then ran into the bathroom to get showered and cleaned up as quickly as I could.
I'd have to skip breakfast, obviously. As it was, just jumping in and out of the shower and trying to brush my teeth at the same time, I didn't know if I'd make it to work on time.
And, of course, beyond the physical pain and sickness from the hangover, a deeper feeling of pain stabbed constantly at my insides with a million jagged blades: the pain of loss.
It was constantly, acutely gnawing at me with a relentless force. This pain, this sense of longing and aching – aching for Eryn.
I should have known it was too good to be true. Whenever anything seemed that perfect, life came along and took it away. We had been so good together, and I had never felt so strongly for anyone. I should have realized that it wouldn't last. It couldn't, it simply couldn't. Nobody got that lucky. They just didn't.
All I could do now was try to get her out of my thoughts, out of my head, out of my heart…somehow. I wasn't sure how, but it was the only thing I could do.
I'd tried drinking her away last night. It had helped numb the pain somewhat, but it hadn't done much in terms of getting her out of my mind. In fact, it had only made me think of her more. And, make me angry.
Of course, I wasn't angry with her or myself – how could I be? It was her future that had been at stake, and I certainly wasn’t about to be the person to ask her to give it up. Not in a million years. She'd done the right thing by taking the scholarship – and we both knew that. Only, now we would both have to deal with the emotional consequences of it.
The jets of hot water from the shower spurred fresh energy into my veins, and even though I was still feeling like death, to put it bluntly, I felt as if maybe – just maybe – I could make it through the day. After giving myself a quick scrub, I hurried off to work. It looked like I might just make it on time if I drove fast enough and the traffic didn't hold me up. I locked my house up and ran out to my garage. It was gonna be a rough day.
*****
A sharp knocking on my office door roused me from the semi-nap I'd fallen into at my desk. I awoke with a start, a blast of pain shooting through my forehead as the migraine returned with a vengeance. I let out a low groan as I massaged my temples.
“It's open,” I said, my voice laced with pain, “come on in.”
The door opened and Jack walked in. Usually, I was the one walking into his office, and for the first time I noticed that, despite his advanced years, he still carried himself with a ramrod straight posture and an ease of movement that suggested latent power in his muscles, still taut and firm from a strict regimen of rigorous exercise. Not bad for a man in his late 60s.
“Wade,” he said, nodding stiffly as he went to take a seat across the desk from me.
“Good afternoon, Jack,” I said, doing my best to pretend I wasn't hungover as hell. “What can I do for you?”
He looked decidedly uneasy, and I couldn't help wondering what exactly was wrong. “Listen, there's a bit of an, umm, a sticky matter we need to talk about.”
Suddenly, panic rippled through my veins – had someone discovered the secret of Eryn and me? That would seriously be the cherry on top of my heartache – after all this pain, to have yet more lumped on and possibly be fired. I grimaced as I waited for him to explain what the situation was.
“So, you kicked those two girls off the team, what were their names again? Tammy and Kelly?”
I nodded. “Yes, well…you removed them from the volleyball team a few weeks ago.”
“Yes, and you and the department were formally informed about the incident and reviewed the evidence I presented,” I added.
I couldn't help feeling a sensation of immense relief; at least this wasn't about Eryn. “Yes, yes...um, yes, the case against them was very strong.”
He seemed to be beating around the bush. I didn’t like it. I wondered what was going on.
“As far as I was concerned, it was an open and shut case. They deliberately injured another player and one of them conspired to commit a criminal act to get your phone,” he paused.
“I gave you hard evidence of them pretty much confessing their crime, and appropriate action was taken against them...so what's the problem now, Jack?”
He didn't seem to want to look me in the eye. Something was definitely up. He sighed heavily. “You have to put them back on the team, Wade.”
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My eyes grew wide. “Wait. What? Did I just hear you right? But, they were guilty! There was hard evidence! How can you tell me now that I have to put them back on the team?”
“Things aren't as simple as that, Wade. I wish they could be, but...they're not. Look, the one girl's father-”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head as I interrupted him. “Yeah, he's a big-shot lawyer. I know. But come on, no damn lawyer in the world could make a case against evidence like that! They're guilty, straight up!”
“He draws a lot of water in this town. And, he's made a lot of financial contributions to the university. He hasn't threatened to make trouble...yet. But he has suggested that perhaps he may not be so generous with his contributions in future. And as you know, on the financial side, the university is a little tight and...”
He trailed off. I knew that he was a proud man, an upstanding man, and that he didn't like bowing to pressure like this any more than I did. But he wasn’t the one calling the shots and his department needed those financial contributions. He realized that it might not be worth fighting this battle in terms of what he could lose.