“I don’t know,” Mason answers. “I guess we just have different ways of processing things. Sometimes I wonder: if I didn’t take so much grief back in school, would I still be fighting or would I have ended up like… You know,” he says, “like Chris.”
“You don’t seem to like your brother very much,” I observe.
“I don’t,” Mason says. “He’s my brother, so I’m forced to love him, but no. I wouldn’t say I like him very much. Everything with him is about taking the easy way, but the easy way always ends up more complicated and sooner or later, it always blows up in his face. I just wish I knew how to get him to see what he’s doing to himself and to the people around him.”
“Yeah,” I say a third time since I’ve been in the room.
I just don’t know what to think. The more time I spend with Mason, the more I find that Jana was right about him; he is sweet, gentle.
At the same time, this is not an easy situation. Mason and I already had a bit of trouble getting off the ground and since Chris arrived, things have only gotten more difficult.
“Do you think we’re too—” I start, but I’m interrupted as Mason leans in and kisses me on the lips. It happens so fast, I’m not even sure that it really happened, except now Mason’s red in the face and turning away from me. “What was that for?” I ask.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a while now,” he says. “I guess it just felt like the right moment.”
My heart is pounding so hard, I’m actually a little worried. That doesn’t stop me from kissing Mason back, though.
His lips are smooth, welcoming. When I pull away, Mason’s smiling. “What was that for?” he asks.
“The first one was so quick I barely even processed it,” I tell him. “I figured if you’re going to kiss me, we may as well let it last long enough to do something.”
There’s still that tension in my muscles, but the reasons it’s there have stopped coming to mind. It’s been so long and I’ve been so closed off I’d forgotten that relationships are about this kind of intimacy. The awkward first kiss, the eager follow-up, that moment where the only real decision is whether to stop or keep going.
I decide, at least for now, to keep going.
With the initial shock and timidity now a
footnote, Mason and I just sink into each other. His arms around me, my arms around him—this isn’t what I was expecting, and I can hardly say I’m prepared for it even now. More than anything, though, I’m taken away, both in spirit and sensation, into a world I haven’t known for what feels like so long.
His hands come together at the small of my back and a couple of his fingers curl under the bottom of my shirt.
“Tell me if I’m moving too fast,” he whispers, his lips to my ear for a brief, goose-bump-inspiring moment and now he’s kissing my cheek, my mouth.
“Okay,” I answer back, too overcome with the rush of endorphins to remember why I was so nervous in the first place.
He starts lifting my shirt, and even though I’m expecting it, I still gasp a little at the actual feeling.
“You okay?” he asks calmly.
“Yeah,” I tell him, and I lift my arms, allowing him to pull my shirt the rest of the way off.
We’ve spent time with each other since I decided to give him a shot, but we’ve never been together like this. It’s always been flirting and subtle glances.
Now, as I pull Mason’s shirt over his head and drop it to the floor, I think it’s safe to say we’ve taken things to the next level.
At first, I’m not sure how far I’m willing to take this, but the more I feel his touch, the more I’m pulled in by the sensuality of the moment, the more I’m ready to go as far as he’ll take me.
This isn’t an intellectual process. Maybe I’m just seeing what I want to see because I’m feeling what I’m feeling, but the longer we kiss and hold one another, the more this just feels right.
Mason hesitates, so I take over for a minute, reaching behind my back and unclasping my bra. I let it dangle from my shoulders, loose but still mostly in place as I wait for Mason’s reaction.
Before I know it, he’s on top of me, my bra is off and the heat of his mouth brings my skin to life as he slides his lips over my collar bone down to the space between my breasts.
“Mmm,” I hum, savoring the attention of his lips as his fingers close in over the fabric at the top of my pants.
Mason stops a moment and looks up at me, as if he’s waiting for permission.
My heart is in my throat, and I’m having a hard time swallowing it back down as the mixture of excitement and tenderness emanates from his eyes.