"Whoa, so we're going to jump right into that, huh? Quinn, honey, don't be mad…"
"Trent, you missed my sister's funeral. I needed you here," I told him.
"Not really time to meet the parents and do that whole show. I thought I was doing you a favor," Trent said.
I could hear him put a hand over the phone and whisper to someone. "I thought you said you didn't care about them. You were going to come to support me." I felt too tired to have the conversation, but it was too late.
Trent was exhausting. The constant upbeat pace of his personality was what first attracted me to him. He was 5' 9", lanky with dyed white hair cut short. He stood out and was always the center of attention. So when he noticed me, I was swept into his life. At first, I was happy to be along for the ride. Trent was funny, knew everybody on campus, and was the king of the perfectly timed compliment. He was just the person to pull me from my shell at college. But lately, I was realizing how much he drained my energy.
Trent was not a cuddle on the couch and play video games kind of guy.
"I do support you, baby. And I thought I was doing you a favor by staying here. You should have seen me, killing rumors about your sister at this big campus party," Trent said.
"You went to a party?"
"Oh, you know me, it was just some get-together until I got a hold of this sweet set of speakers," Trent laughed then cut himself short. "So, tell me about the ceremony."
"There was a visitation here at the house and then the interment at the cemetery. It was awful. My parents were awful. All the people remembering the saintly side of Sienna were awful. Her whole high school class showed up."
"Ugh. I can imagine. Every time I go home, I feel like I need body armor to deflect all the high school reunion crap. People are always telling me how great I look now. As if I was a total slug then or something," Trent said.
"It was just really hard that no one wanted to remember the real Sienna. My sister was more than some peppy go-getter, you know? She had ups and downs just like everyone. It was like watching a real 3D person turn into a 2D photograph right in front of me," I tried to explain.
"Oh, speaking of photos, you need to go online and check out the pics of me at the art show. There's this one where I swear I look just like the guy from that movie you like. You know, the cool one with the suit and sunglasses?"
"Trent! I'm talking about my sister's funeral."
"I know, I know, sweetie. I get it. I'm just trying to lighten the mood. When are you coming back to campus?" he asked.
"I don't know. My parents want me to stay another day or two, but-"
Trent interrupted, "Sounds good. I mean, you need family time and all that. Come over right when you get here, okay? Miss you!"
I listened to the dial tone and resisted the urge to throw my phone against the wall. Trent was right, though. I needed to lighten my mood, and staying with my parents one more day was not going to help.
I packed my bags before breakfast. My father was the only one downstairs; my mother's bedroom door was shut tight again.
"Would it be okay if I headed back to campus soon?" I asked my father.
"That's a good idea. You probably have a lot of catching up to do," he said. He was packing his briefcase to head back to work. He missed my head and kissed the air as he walked to the garage door.
#
I got to my dorm room just before lunch. Darla had already left for class and I was glad for a moment alone. As soon as I had driven onto campus, I was flooded with memories of Sienna. I had to take a detour just to avoid seeing her dormitory.
I threw my overnight bag on the bed and opened it. Instead of carefully putting everything away, I decided to just dump it into my laundry basket. I had only been on campus twenty minutes, but I was already itching to get back in the car.
There were messages written all over the white board on our door. Notes were taped along the doorframe. Inside, Darla had carefully arranged a wild display of cheap flowers purchased at the bookstore. It looked like half of campus had decided to leave me condolences. I hated to think what Sienna's door looked like and vowed not to go there.
Instead, I started to think about leaving campus all together. Sienna was the only one that had kept me on track. Even my college advisor had started suggesting I look at other majors. Without my sister driving me, there was no way I was going to earn my degree in nursing. I did not have the heart for it.
Sienna was going to be the heart surgeon, I thought. Had I somehow imagined I would be a nurse in the same hospital? What had I been thinking?
It had all been decided for me. I remembered the conversations over my college applications. I had said very little. I love
d the sound of UCLA and at the time, it had not mattered what got me here. Now, all I could think about was getting out.
The sickly sweet smell of the carnations and daisies made me nauseated. The few cards that I could see all talked about Sienna like she was a perfect angel. Am I so wrong for wanting to remember my sister the way she actually was?