“First we need to get through the hearing,” I said, ignoring my daughter’s advice. “Once that’s over I’ll think about talking with Emily.”
“What did your lawyer say?” Nina asked.
“She said it wasn’t going to be a total loss, but that we’d better be prepared to suffer the consequences of your mother’s rage,” I said honestly. “I don’t know if you’re going to be allowed to come live with me full-time, Nina.”
“This sucks,” she protested. “I don’t want to live with Mom!”
“I know you don’t, kiddo,” I said sympathetically. “But you’re going to have to make the best of the situation. Once the court decides on the petition, we’ll figure out our game plan.”
Nina sighed loudly and then went on to tell me how school had been and that she’d gotten an A on her last History exam. We wrapped up the conversation when Remy called Nina to come join her in the kitchen for homework time. Nina rolled her eyes dramatically and then said, “Love you, Dad,” before signing off.
I sat at the kitchen table staring at the screen where my daughter had been, wondering how I’d ended up in this situation. I wanted to blame Emily for being irresponsible, but I knew I was to blame for ignoring Nina’s distress over having to move back to her mother’s. I’d been selfish and thought about what I’d wanted without stopping to think what Nina needed. Maybe Remy was right. Maybe I was a lousy parent and Nina would be better off with a mother who set limits and paid attention to things.
On Saturday, I spent the day cleaning house in case someone from the courts wanted to come see the environment Nina had been living in. I knew it was a long shot, but at this point, I was willing to do anything to make sure she could continue to spend time with me. As the hours passed, I felt more and more anxious about losing Nina, and by Sunday afternoon, I’d not only cleaned the inside of the house, I’d done yard maintenance and fixed the loose gutter on the side of the house.
By dinner time, I was feeling restless and was dreading spending the night alone, so I showered, pulled on jeans and a T-shirt, and headed over to The Lucky Clover for a drink. I turned on my phone to call Tony and saw the text that Emily had sent me the day before. I’d ignored it when it first showed up, and now I hesitated for a moment, then deleted the message before I texted Tony and asked him to meet me for a drink.
The bar was pretty empty when I arrived, and I was surprised to see KO back behind the bar.
“Where you been, lady?” I asked, as I shed my coat and sat down on a stool.
“Away,” she replied with a smile. “What’ll it be, big guy?”
“Give me a whiskey and a draft,” I said, pulling out my wallet and tossing a 20 onto the bar.
“Going straight to the hard stuff, eh?” she laughed, as she took the bill and set it on the register before she poured my shot.
“Just need to relax a little,” I said, as I pulled the glass of amber liquid toward me and stared into it as she drew me a beer.
“I heard about your daughter,” she nodded, setting the foaming glass in front of me. “I’m glad she got home safely.”
“Yeah, well, that might not be the end of it,” I said glumly. I knew Emily was living at KO’s house, and that if the bartender was back, then she had surely heard about what had happened.
“So, what’s going on?” she asked, as she turned on the sink beneath the bar and poured soap into one side. When I didn’t say anything, she shrugged and began washing dishes without a word. When one of the old guys at the end of the bar signaled her for another round, she turned off the water and walked to the end of the bar.
“It’s all fucked up,” I said quietly, when she returned from taking care of the other guys.
“What’s fucked up?” she asked, without looking at me.
“My ex-wife has filed a petition with the court to get sole custody of my daughter,” I said, as I lifted the whiskey and quickly tossed it back. “She thinks I’m an irresponsible parent, and I’m beginning to wonder if she’s right.”
“That’s bullshit,” KO said matter-of-factly.
“Yeah, well, I didn’t know where my daughter was for almost 24 hours,” I shrugged. “So, if the shoe fits…”
“Look, I know you blame Emily for a lot of this,” KO said, looking straight at me. “And she’s feeling awful about what’s happened, but you need to talk to her, man.”
“I’m not sure there’s a lot to talk about,” I said flatly. “She didn’t tell me that my daughter had returned. That’s a breach of trust.”
“You’re such an asshole,” KO said, shaking her head. “You’re going to blame Emily for the trouble you have with your wife simply because she was caught between trying to make sure your daughter didn’t take off running again and making a call to you?”
“She’s an adult! She should have acted responsibly!” I said, raising my voice as I felt the anger rising inside me.
“Don’t fucking yell at me, man,” KO warned. “I’m just saying that maybe you need to take a good look at your own responsibility in the matter before you point the finger at someone who was caught between a rock and a hard place. You know that Remy met up with Em at your house earlier this week and was exceptionally rude to her, right?”
“She did? She was?” I said, stunned that Emily hadn’t said anything about it to me.
“Yeah, Remy treated Em the way Em’s mother treats her,” KO nodded. “All manners and nice, but underneath it she just tore her to bits.”