“I don’t know. Maybe this is another grandmother.”
“It’s fine, I’ll work. Is Kaitlin on my unit tomorrow?”
“No, she’s needed on the secure unit.”
Ugh. I hated working with the other nurses, but I knew Kaitlin had to work the secure unit more than mine. The secure unit was where patients who were suicidal normally stayed. Although we had suicidal precautions throughout the facility, the secure unit had patients who had so many mental health issues that they couldn’t be trusted to keep themselves safe as they went through detox and treatment.
We contracted with the state for patients on that unit and sometimes took patients who had insurance, as well. It was almost always full and most of our seasoned staff worked over there. I personally didn’t work over there much because I didn’t have a license as a therapist or a nurse, so only when we had a lot of patients did they have room for me.
“Fine, but I’m not coming in before eight.”
“That’s perfect. Thanks, Cassidy.”
I groaned as I hung up the phone. My plans for sleeping in and relaxing had totally been ruined. But at least I’d get to earn some extra cash. I liked my work, and I mostly liked the people I worked with. My co-workers were my friends and the only people besides Kaitlin and my parents that I usually spent time with.
Well, and the patients at Paradise Peak. Some of them had become my friends, too. It was unusual for a doctor, therapist, or nurse to become friends with patients. And they probably had a lot of rules around their relationships, but I was assigned to talk to the patients. My job was to spend time with them and let them talk to me and work through their issues. I had to play board games, help them with their daily tasks – I was their friend in the facility and often kept in touch with them after they left.
It was kind of cool to have people I knew that were celebrities or singers, and wealthy. Most of our friendships died off over the months after they left, but there were still a few people who I kept in touch with over social media.
Then I remembered that the new guy would be there. The utter embarrassment I had when he overheard my conversation with Kaitlin wasn’t anything I wanted to relive. He was a cocky jerk who seemed a little too full of himself and not at all humbled by being admitted to our facility. It wasn’t my ideal patient, but I could make it work out.
But then again, he probably wouldn’t last long and I would only have to deal with him for a few days. Guys like him tended to give up when things got hard. And getting sober was harder than I had ever imagined it would be. They came to our facility thinking that it would be easy to give up all their drugs and alcohol. But nothing in life is easy.
If you are used to drinking or using when your emotions flare up, then when you take those substances away, your emotions have to be dealt with. This was where the true treatment started. Learning how to deal with all your feelings when you didn’t have a substance to dull them was the hardest part about being sober.
Certainly, I could put up with the guy for a few days until he decided to give up and go back to his old life. I remembered the first few days of my treatment. I had actually tried to leave the hospital on several occasions, but luckily, a sweet nurse had talked me into staying.
Of course, I didn’t want the poor guy to fail. I was just speaking from experience and the dozens who had come before him and given up the second they had to actually do some work.
When my family came to visit me that first weekend, I had even tried to get them to let me come home. But luckily my parents were tough and told me I wouldn’t be able to stay with them if I left treatment. I didn’t appreciate their tough love at all in that moment, but by the time I finished the treatment program, I was able to see just how much I was loved. If I hadn’t been loved so darn much by them, it was highly likely I wouldn’t even be alive.
My drinking and partying had taken over my life. I was depressed and didn’t give a crap about anything that was going on with myself or my family. My own father had had a heart attack and I didn’t even go see him in the hospital.
When I looked back at how badly I behaved, it made me sick to my stomach. That girl wasn’t who I wanted to be. That wild girl who hated everyone wasn’t at all the way I wanted to live my life. I was so grateful that my family had stuck by me through my horrible attitude and behavior.
That was probably another reason I tried to be so understanding with the patients in our facility. If they didn’t have family or other people to support them, there was no way they would ever be successful. I knew from firsthand experience that while going through treatment, an addict was going to push away anyone who showed any sort of caring toward them.
Love, caring, and support were scary to an addict. We feel like there’s an expectation that comes with those sorts of feelings and we don’t want to be part of it. But I knew better now.
I knew that there didn’t have to be an expectation when you cared for someone or when you let someone else care for you. You could just accept their kindness. It had taken me thirty days of treatment and countless AA meetings to finally get the hang of accepting help; I couldn’t expect new patients to understand when they first arrived at the facility.
When I finally made it back home, I showered quickly and headed to my bedroom to crash. I was always exhausted, but the excitement of having a new patient at work made me want to ensure I was going to be in a good mood at work the next day.
I had already been embarrassed in front of the guy, I couldn’t go into the next day without a full level of self-control and compassion. Erik was going to get to be a much bigger jerk before he calmed down – if he ever calmed down. It was likely that the other techs weren’t going to agree to work with him if he was rude to them, or they would work with him and not be as supportive as I could be. But I was going to need some sleep if I was going to be able to put up with his attitude the next day.
Sleep had always been such a healing property for me, and I encouraged patients to sleep, as well. Unfortunately, sometimes my encouragement meant they thought it was all right to sleep all the time and not participate at all. But that wasn’t what I meant; I just wanted them to sleep when they could. While I had been in treatment, sleeping had revitalized me and given me the focus I needed to pay attention in groups and participate.
Participating in the group meetings was a huge key to learning more about myself and understanding my addiction. It was also an essential element to the patients getting a room with a door, too. The rich who attended Paradise Peak weren’t use to having rules in their lives and living in a room without a door irritated them; being forced to participate in order to get a better room often irritated them even more.
As I closed my eyes, I kept seeing Erik and that damn smile of his as he had asked
me where my piercing was. It was unnerving how clear that memory still was in my head. I certainly didn’t like the guy; he was a jerk and didn’t seem to at all care who he was rude to. I tried desperately to get him off of my mind as I finally fell asleep.
Chapter Four
Erik
“Mr. Levy, it’s time for morning group,” the technician called as I tried to open my eyes.