When I got into my room, I sat on the bed and put my head in my hands. I felt so low, and I didn’t know what to do. At that moment, I felt like I was letting Tammy down. At her funeral, I promised I would take care of our little girl. After the fight that night, l felt like I couldn’t even do that properly. All I had to do was win this one fight, and everything would have been okay. But I failed. I lost.
And now, I didn’t even know what was going to happen, and that was the worst part, especially as a father who needed to take care of his daughter.
Anna popped into my head once more. She was so beautiful and smart, and for some reason, I just could not get her out of my mind. Part of me wished I hadn’t quit going to see her. She looked so broken hearted when I left, and I felt the exact same way now. Losing that fight might not have stung so much if I would have seen her face in the crowd. I was kicking myself for everything I had done these last couple of days.
I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep, so I called a friend from the gym. Joe was a good dude with a good head on his shoulders. I figured he could help me get things straightened out. Maybe he could help me figure out what to do with this whole Markie thing.
The phone rang three times, and then he picked up. “Hey, man,” he said.
“Hey, Joe.” I tried not to sound as depressed as I felt.
“Tough fight tonight, huh?” he said, and I just wanted to break down at that point.
“Yeah.” I didn’t know how to really say the next part, so I just went for it. “I got myself in a mess, man.”
“What do you mean? What kind of a mess?” he asked.
“You know Markie, right?”
I heard him exhale sharply. “Don’t tell me you got yourself into some shit with him.”
“I did man. I feel so dumb. I bet on myself, and he gave me a loan. I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. I’m so scared about what’s going to happen. I don’t have that kind of cash. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have gone to him in the first place,” I said quickly. I was rambling, but I didn’t care. I only hoped Joe wouldn’t think less of me because of my mistakes.
“How much do you owe?”
“Ten grand,” I half mumbled into the phone. My pride was taking yet another hit.
“What did you say?” he asked.
“Ten grand,” I said more clearly this time.
I heard him suck in through his teeth “Yikes. I don’t know dude. That’s
a lot of dough to have to owe to him. You got anything you can sell?”
I started pacing the room. “No. I already pawned the things I could to pay some of the medical bills. I’m screwed.”
“What was wrong tonight?”
“I don’t know. My head just wasn’t in it,” I said.
“You need to figure out what was bothering you and start from there. That might help you figure something out. Sorry I can’t be much help.”
“It’s okay, man. Thanks for talking to me.” We got off the phone, and I climbed into bed. I was done with that day, with that week, with everything. I just wanted to sleep and forget about everything for a little while.
I woke up, and the sun was high in the sky. When I looked at my phone, I saw it was ten. I never slept this late, but neither did Margie. I got out of bed and found her in front of the T.V. She was late for preschool, and at this point, I wasn’t even sure if I should take her in.
“I didn’t want to wake you, Daddy,” she said.
I gave her a hug. “Thanks, sweetie, but it’s my responsibility to be up with you. Would you like some bacon and eggs?”
She nodded her head, and I made her a late breakfast. I felt bad—just another thing to add to my growing guilt.
I ate breakfast with her. Though I mostly picked at my food. I was growing worried about the phone call I was going to have to make. The more I tried to forget about it and concentrate on my food and Margie, the more nervous I felt.
“I need to make a phone call really quick,” I said to Margie and then went into my room to call Markie. I needed to get it out of the way. I had an idea, and I was just praying he would be okay with what I had to offer him.
“Justin. Just the man I wanted to talk to,” Markie said into the phone.