“I was nervous,” she shrugged.
“Why were you nervous?” she had never been this nervous before.
“Because you were nervous all day,” she said matter-of-factly.
I felt my stomach sink uncomfortably. Her words made me feel horrible. I never thought about the way I had been acting and how it might have affected
her. She spent the whole night nervous and unable to sleep because of me.
“I’m okay, sweetheart. I promise you everything is going to be okay,” I said but quickly corrected myself. “I mean, everything is okay. Right now, everything is okay. And it always will be. You don’t need to worry about me. I promise.”
As I spoke, I couldn’t tell whether I was trying to convince her or myself.
“Okay, Daddy,” she said and gave me a hug. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, pumpkin. Now get some sleep.” I kissed the top of her head and left her to her dreams.
I went into my room, changed my clothes, and laid down on my bed. I felt awful. Not only had I almost lost the fight, but I also made my daughter nervous because of my own behavior and feelings.
I told myself I needed to be more aware of how I was acting. She picked up on so much; she could tell how I was feeling at any given moment. How I felt was how she felt. I needed to make sure I was more aware of that. I didn’t want my daughter to grow up feeling nervous about a thousand things just because I was. She was the child, and I the adult. My worries shouldn’t have to be hers.
I thought about Anna and how she could keep me calm and focused without even trying. She was great that way. Not for the first time, I wished she was there that night. At the fight. In bed with me.
I missed her terribly as sleep finally captured me.
Chapter Sixteen
Anna
I didn’t know what to expect Monday night. As I finished getting ready, I wondered how my parents would react. I just hoped they would believe that Justin and I were a real couple. I was glad we had sex because that would at least take care of the chemistry part. They wouldn’t be able to deny our connection.
I placed my curling iron down on the bathroom counter and looked at myself in the mirror. I needed to make sure to look good. I figured this was more for Justin than for my parents. I applied a little more lip gloss and a touch of extra mascara. As soon as I finished, the doorbell rang. They were just on time.
I asked Justin and Margie to get to my house early. I wanted a little time with them before my parents and Ally arrived. I needed to calm my nerves, and I felt that being around them before we had to put on our show might help make things seem more believable.
I opened the door, and after a quick greeting, I invited them inside.
I noticed Justin looked awfully rough. I wasn’t sure why, since he won his fight on Friday. He told me about it when he called the night before. I hadn’t been expecting him to look so defeated. So upset.
“Are you okay?” I asked. I touched his arm to comfort him. I didn’t know what was wrong, but my stomach twisted with undeniable worry.
“Yeah, sort of,” he said.
“You can talk to me,” I said.
He looked at me for a moment, almost as if he had bad news and was trying to figure out how to break it to me. His eyes searched mine, and they were darker than I’d ever seen them. He had a cloud hanging over his head, and I didn’t understand why.
“I almost lost my fight. It was really bad, Anna.”
I wrapped my arms around him, and he returned the gesture. It felt nice. It felt right. Something told me he really needed it.
“You won, Justin. That’s a good thing, right?”
“Yeah, but my head wasn’t in the game. That’s the bad part. I didn’t know how to keep myself focused. And if I can’t get focused, I’m going to lose my next fight for sure,” he said.
“Whatever caused you to almost lose, just let it go. Because otherwise, you might bring even more into the cage with you next time,” I told him firmly. “You know you can do this. Focus on that and let go of everything else.”
He smiled at me. “You’re right, Anna. Thank you for talking to me.”