“Mr. Fizzles?”
“My cat,” I replied. “Yep, that’s right. I’ve become the librarian cat lady of Madison. Don’t judge me.”
“Wow,” he said. “But I can’t judge. I’ve become the nomad hobo that just wanders from city to city. We are quite the pair; the university really did amazing things with us.”
“Hey, speak for yourself.” I laughed. “Mr. Fizzles is very loving.”
“I’m sure he is, and I don’t want to disturb date night, but I did promise you dinner after taking you out on the sidewalk on Monday,” he said, smiling. “So how about it?”
I stood there looking at him for a moment, knowing that my first instinct was to say yes, but everything else in me was kind of iffy about it. Laughing felt really good, better than I imagined, and if I knew our conversation would stay on that track, I wouldn’t be so hesitant to say yes. However, I was terrified that it was going to get dark and sad instead, and I knew that was a higher probability than the other. I looked down at my books and then back at him, realizing there was no way that I could turn him down at that point, no matter what the consequences might be.
“Sure,” I said happily.
“Awesome,” he said, smiling. “Meet me on the quad in our old place at seven sharp.”
“Sharp?” I asked, laughing. “I don’t know. I’m prone to be late.”
“Yeah, right,” he scoffed. “You’d show up early, even if it was to your own execution.”
“You’re probably right.” I laughed. “I am a stickler for that stuff.”
“Okay, I’ll let you get back to work,” he said with a much brighter expression on his face. “I’ll see you tonight.”
I smiled and waved, watching him disappear around the corner of the stacks and out into the library. I shook my head and giggled to myself, turning the remaining books in my hand on their side and finding their number. I wanted to stand there all day talking to Ollie, but I had to get this work done if I ever wanted to get out of there. It was Friday, and luckily, since my last promotion, I was no longer on the weekend rotations, which meant on Friday I could go home, looking forward to two quiet days off from work. Sometimes that was a good thing, and sometimes it was way too much empty time on my hands. Either way, I assumed this dinner would give me plenty to think about.
In reality, I hadn’t been out with any friends in a very long time. I spent most of my off time split between hiding out with my cats and hearing my mom tell me how much she wanted grandkids. I was excited about doing something other than either one of those. On top of that, it was Ollie, the guy that I thought of as one of my closest friends for a long time, and he was finally back in Madison. I knew there would probably be hard times through the conversation, but I had high hopes for a really nice night of catching up on everything that had happened since he left. I definitely had a lot going on, even though my life seemed pretty boring, and I really wanted to hear about his adventure traveling the country.
I just hoped that Lillie’s ghost didn’t mess it up too bad.
Chapter 5
Ollie
I breathed in the cool September air as I walked down the street toward the campus. The night had gotten chilly, but that was most likely because I was used to the heat of Phoenix. I turned the corner and started up the path toward the statue of Abraham Lincoln that sat in front of Bascom Hall. There wasn’t anyone out and about, and I assumed they were either studying or already on their way to being half in the bag in their dorm rooms.
Just as I stepped toward the statue, my brain took over, flooding me with memories of when I was in college. Lillie’s laughter floated through my ears, and I could almost swear she was right there beside me, laughing and dancing in the cool evening air. She had told me about every single one of her bright ideas out there in the quad, either resting under the starry sky or closing her eyes and feeling the warmth of the sun beating down on her face, sprawled out on a blanket on the lawn.
I couldn’t even begin to count how many times I made this walk with Lillie. It was the main way to get to her dorms, and it was the best way to get out of the campus and into town. Even when we didn’t have anywhere to go, we would meet there and wander along the paths, holding hands and just talking, happy to spend quality time together outside the hustle and bustle of our everyday college experiences. Looking down at the stone beneath my feet, I realized I was standing right where I was the moment I knew I wanted to marry Lillie.
I had started out the night so excited to actually be going out and doing something with a friend, something I hadn’t done in a really long time. I was pumped to reconnect with Elana and to start my new life in Madison, trying to turn these heart-wrenching memories into happy, fleeting thoughts that didn’t stop me in my tracks every time they floated through my mind. It was unbelievable that I was struggling so hard that it was ruining the excitement of seeing Elana again, someone that actually understood me and how I was feeling.
Elana and I had clicked the first time we met, which made Lillie ecstatic since Elana was so important to her. Elana was the nerdy girl, from the way she dressed, to her hair, to how she quoted historical texts, and all the way down to her amazing, dry humor. Even when Lillie wasn’t around and Elana and I were keeping each other company while waiting for her, I had a really good time with her. There were times I could remember laughing so hard that it brought tears to my eyes. That, however, seemed like so long ago, almost like it was another life.
Now, while I was supposed to be excited to see Elana, I was standing there thinking about my dead fiancée. It was so frustrating sometimes that I couldn’t be a normal person. My grief was so deep and so rooted that it ruined everything that I tried to do to have fun. I wasn’t angry with Lillie. I was angry with my own brain for stopping me
in my tracks at every turn. I was angry that I couldn’t lift this heavy load of grief from my chest, leaving me torturing myself with useless memories, memories that only brought me hurt and pain. It was absolutely exhausting.
I walked up to the statue and leaned my back against the cold stone. The sky was clear, and the sun was already very low in the sky, revealing the moon, still surrounded by the blue tint of the sky. Thoughts of Lillie blew through my mind while I waited for Elana. I hoped that I could shake this before we started our evening. I didn’t ask her to dinner to reminisce about painful memories. I came to start fresh.
“Hey there,” Elena’s familiar voice said from behind me.
I smiled at the sound of her voice, the memories fading out of my head. I turned around and looked at her standing next to the statue, clasping her bag in her hands. She was wearing tight jeans, a tank top, and a small cardigan sweater. She definitely wasn’t the nerdy girl that I had known so many years ago. Her style was a lot more with the times and a lot less poor, uncaring, college student. I smiled big watching her look at me and grin. Her thick glasses were gone, and her pixie haircut was so unthinkable I had a hard time remembering what she looked like with it cut that way. She looked chic and stylish, something I would have definitely said about Lillie but never about Elana. But back then, when we were all trying to figure out who we really were, that look fit her. It gave her a bit of a personality, not that she didn’t have one, but she was so quiet about who she was around everyone but me and Lillie, and only when the three of us were alone.
Without her thick-lensed, black-rimmed glasses, I could really see her striking blue eyes. She had put on some makeup, so they really popped out at me. And now, in place of that short pixie haircut was long, flowing, shiny black hair, pulled back and elegantly braided, falling down her back. She was like a different girl, woman really, but I could still see that mischief in her face, her sarcasm dying to come out and make me laugh hysterically like she always did. Without her glasses, I could make out every laugh line, every sparkle in those vibrant blue eyes, and every side glance that she liked to give me on a regular basis.
Between the dark hair and the blue eyes, she almost looked feline, and it was amazing to me how much sleeker she looked when she moved under the darkening sky. I was having a hard time not staring directly at her, and I knew if I continued to do so for any more time, she was going to catch on, making things really awkward for the rest of the night. There was just something about her, though, something I just couldn’t put my finger on.
She smiled and tucked a rogue sliver of hair behind her ear. That was when it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was something that I had never even noticed before, something that had been on the tip of my tongue since I first saw her on Monday. Everything seemed so different, not because she was any different on the inside, but because I realized that I thought she was beautiful. I had thought a million things about Elana in the past, and even considered her to be adorable at times, but I had never realized that she was stunning.