“So it was the habit that made you stop?” I asked.
“No, it was the nightmares,” he said as he stood up and walked over to the window. “I couldn’t control the nightmares when I drank, so I saw a shrink and he told me to stop drinking.”
“And you did? Just like that?”
“No, not ‘just like that’” he laughed sadly. “It took a stint in rehab to get dried out and then they tried to send me to a shrink to make sure it stuck, but I said no thanks. I’m fine with just not being drunk, I don’t need some doctor picking at my brain to find out why I’m drinking. I already know why.”
“So, you went to rehab?” I asked.
“Yeah, I had to get out of the environment I was in so that I had a fighting chance of quitting,” he watched me as he explained. “After I was discharged, I didn’t have a job lined up or anything, so I had to go back home for a while, but home is where the whole thing got worse.”
“How so?”
“Well, like I said, they’re hard workers and hard drinkers, so I fit right in,” he stopped and looked away for a long while before turning back to face me. “They didn’t understand what had happened to me in Iraq. Hell, I don’t think I understood what had happened to me, but the nightmares got worse when I was home. I knew there was a problem, but I didn’t want to talk about it with anyone. All I wanted to do was drink it away.”
“But if the drinking was making it worse, why did you keep doing it?” I asked.
“My life isn’t like yours, Ava,” he explained. “I don’t have a whole lot of options, you know? The VA makes you wait for everything, so even if I’d wanted treatment, I couldn’t have gotten it for months, but at that point, I didn’t even want it. I hadn’t hit bottom yet.”
Not knowing what to say, I simply nodded as I listened. I wasn’t exactly sure what he meant when he said that his life wasn’t like mine, but I knew if I listened, he’d explain.
“It wasn’t until the night that I wrapped my car around a utility pole on a dark county road and walked away without a scratch that I realized I had a real problem.” He took a deep breath. “I could have died, or worse, killed someone else, and, at that moment, I knew that if I didn’t get my drinking under control I most likely would.”
“It’s a miracle that you weren’t killed,” I whispered.
“Don’t think I don’t know that,” he said. “I thank the higher power every single day that I wake up!”
“So if you’re sober, then why were you so mad about what happened last night?” I asked.
“Look Ava, I know it’s hard for someone who has never had a problem with alcohol to understand, but it’s not something that ever goes away,” he turned and stared at me as he talked. “I haven’t lost the urge to drink, I’ve just gotten better at managing it, but last night reminded me how little it would take for me to tip it back over to the other side, and I just don’t want to find myself in the position of having to make that choice.”
“I’m so sorry, Brian,” I apologized. “I had no idea. I’m sorry that I took you to that party and I’m sorry I put you in that position.”
“No apology necessary,” he waved me off. “You didn’t know.”
“Yes, but now that I do, I promise not to do that again,” I vowed.
“It’s not a crisis. I just don’t want to be tempted and find out that I’m not strong enough to resist temptation.” He smiled a little as he turned and walked toward the door. “Now, don’t you think you’ve stayed in bed long enough for one day? Get up and let’s get going!”
“Yes, sir!?
?? I laughed as I saluted.
“Klein, your salute still sucks,” he threw over his shoulder as he walked out the door and left me to get dressed.
“Hey, do you want to grab some breakfast and go take it out by the lake?” I yelled as I pulled on my clothes.
“Up to you,” came the response.
“No, I’m giving you a choice!” I laughed.
“I’m serious, it’s up to you, Ava,” he replied. “But it’s pretty nice outside today.”
“Then all you had to do was say yes!” I shot back as I continued laughing. “You’re so frustrating sometimes!”
“Yes. Yes I am,” he yelled back. “But then so are you, Ms. Klein. So. Are. You.”
I laughed harder as I finished lacing up my shoes, then pulled my hair into a ponytail and grabbed my wallet and sunglasses. I looked around the room to make sure I hadn’t missed anything, and then, feeling guilty, I walked over and quickly made the bed. I rolled my eyes as I realized that Brian’s orderly ways were rubbing off on me, but then I smiled because it felt kind of nice to have a made bed for a change. As I walked out into the front room, Brian quickly put down his phone and stood up.