“What? No.” I laughed uncomfortably. “I mean, this was a one-time thing. Exes have sex sometimes. It happens. We live in different states so it’s not like it could become a regular thing anyway, which it couldn’t under any circumstances because I wouldn’t want that.”
“I know.” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking like he wanted to say something, but maybe not knowing what. I could relate.
Sorrow welled inside me, a desperate need for . . . something I didn’t want to think about. After a second, he reached for his shirt, where it lay crumpled on the floor. “I’m assuming you don’t want me to stay?”
“I mean . . . we both need a good night’s sleep. You have to fly tomorrow, and I want to be”—I cleared my throat—“well rested . . .” God, this was terrible and awkward and despite the fact that I knew I was doing the right thing, it hurt. Even letting Dane in this much hurt. That on its own was clear proof that to let him in any more would destroy me . . . again. My very soul cowered at the thought. And I could see he was wrestling with his own thoughts about what we’d done. We could both use some space from each other to work things through.
Did space help you work things through before? But that was different, and I pushed the question from my mind.
Dane stood, buttoning his shirt as he stared at me. He leaned forward, took my chin in his hands and kissed me, his lips lingering on mine. “I’ll see you in the morning,” he said, and then he turned and walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind him. I collapsed back on the bed, curling into a ball. Too much, too much, it was all just too much. I was too weak when it came to Dane Townsend. Never again, Audra. After tonight, never again.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Then . . .
Audra yawned as she walked sleepily down the hallway, thirst having woken her from a deep sleep. She put her hand on her belly, feeling the small curve and smiling to herself. She had just started feeling the tiny fluttery kicks of the baby moving inside her. Right now he or she was sleeping.
The low hum of voices caught her attention and she frowned, pausing and turning toward the office. Dane had stayed up to work on a paper for one of his classes, but she couldn’t imagine who he was talking to. Turning, she headed in the direction of the second bedroom they’d turned into an office, but paused when she heard her name in Dalila’s voice. “Does Audra know?”
She paused, hesitant about eavesdropping, but too curious to stop herself. Did she know what?
“No.”
“God, Dane, you can’t begin a marriage on a lie. How’s she going to feel when she finds out you kept this from her?”
Audra’s skin prickled and alarm bells began to ring deep inside.
Dane groaned. “I know. I’m going to tell her. But she’s pregnant and Audra . . . God, Audra’s going to blame herself.”
Oh God. Oh no. She sagged against the wall and let it hold her up. He’d lied to her?
“It was your dream to run the business, though, Dane. If anyone is suited for it, it’s you. And it’s rightfully yours. What is wrong with Grandmother? I’ve never known her to despise anyone as much as she despises Audra. I don’t get it. But to cut you off, take away your future, your dream . . .”
There was only silence from within the room for a moment and then Dane said, “It is . . . was my dream. But Audra is more important to me. I’ll get a good job somewhere else once I graduate. We may not live in luxury like the rest of the Townsends, but I’ll live knowing I made the honorable choice. I think Dad would agree.”
Honorable? Tears welled in Audra’s eyes, and she felt like she’d sag to the floor. He’d given up the family legacy that was rightfully his—the chance to make that contribution that was so important to him—because of honor? Because he’d gotten her pregnant and done the right thing? His grandmother had cut him off for it, and he’d never told her. Bile rose in her throat, but she swallowed it down. She knew Dane loved her. She didn’t doubt that. But she would have never let him make that sacrifice had she known, just as he said.
I heard Dalila sigh. “So, no California. Selfishly, I’ll be happy to have you two close by so I can spoil my niece or nephew in person.”
“I think Audra will be happier here too,” Dane said after a short pause. “She can visit her dad as often as she wants. It was hard for her to put him in a facility. She’s the only one who’s cared for him her whole life.”
“How are you paying for the care facility?”
“Mom gave me the money she was going to spend on Stanford and said I could use it the way I wanted to. Colorado State is a fourth of the cost. I’m using the rest to pay for Audra’s dad’s care, and I spent some of it on a building Audra’s going to turn into a gallery. I don’t want her to give up her dreams too, just because of our baby.”
Give up her dreams, too.
Like he had. Audra felt like a weight was pressing on her chest, and she brought her hand to it.
“Isn’t there something Mom can do?”
Audra heard Dane sigh. “I love Mom, but her against Luella? Seriously?”
Dalila made a small sound in her throat that Audra barely heard. “Yeah, you’re right.” She paused. “Still, I know she’d give you more money now if you need it.”
“No,” Dane’s voice sounded harsh. “No,” he repeated, more gently. “I’m a married man with a kid on the way. Taking what would have been my tuition to Stanford is one thing, but I’m not going to let Mom pay my bills. An old friend of Dad’s offered me a position in the mailroom of his company while I’m in school.”
“The mailroom?” Dalila asked. Audra could hear the note of disappointment in her voice and she winced. There was a pause and Dalila sighed. “At least you’ll still get your trust fund once you turn twenty-five.”