"Let's pick up some food on our way to class," I suggested as she gathered up her books and supplies. "I think you'll feel better once you eat."
"Sure," she nodded as she stood staring into space before suddenly remembering that she needed her coat and gloves. "Lemme get my stuff."
"I'm worried about you, Liz," I said quietly as she pulled on her coat and shouldered her backpack.
"Don't be, kiddo," she smiled. "I'm good."
We stopped at Panera on our way to class and bought a bag full of bagels and cream cheese along with two steaming hot coffees. Liz ate two bagels right out of the bag on the walk to class. I stared at her, wondering what was going on, but the bagels seemed to improve whatever it was that had been ailing her, and by the time we reached the classroom, the Liz I knew and loved was back.
"So, what happened with lover boy the other night?" she asked. "You two go back to your place?"
"Liz!" I laughed. "No, we got dinner and then he took me on a tour of the fire house before he dropped me off."
"Oh my, aren't you two so cute!" she said as she clapped her hands and pulled another bagel out of the bag. This time she covered it in cream cheese and ate half in three bites. "It's like a good old-fashioned romance! Jimmy Stewart and all."
"Stop it, Liz," I said looking down at my boots suddenly feeling ashamed that she saw me as a prude. "I did kiss him, you know."
"Oooooh, this is looking up!" she laughed and then when she saw the serious look on my face stopped and patted my shoulder. "Awww, don't get worked up about it, kiddo. I'm just teasing you."
"I know, but I'm not a total prude, you know," I said defensively. "I have needs, too."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she nodded biting into the other half of the cream cheese covered bagel and getting the creamy white topping all over her nose. "I know you do. You're just better at keeping those needs at bay than the rest of us. I'm jealous of your ability to delay gratification, actually."
"You are?" I asked surprised by this revelation.
"Hell yeah, I am," she said. "I'm impulsive; an in-the-moment girl who can't deny herself anything. Gets me into trouble a lot, but you know that."
"Are you in trouble, Liz?" I asked grateful for the chance to swing the conversation in her direction.
"Nah, I'm good," she said waving me off. "I'm just...you know. Me."
At that moment, Professor Jackson entered the room and signaled the start of class. She began class with a lecture on the lymphatic system and the ways in which it functions as a filter for all kinds of bacteria and debris that enters the body. I spent the hour taking copious notes and redrawing the diagrams Professor Jackson created on the board.
At the end of class, I looked over and saw that Liz had put her head down and fallen asleep on the desk. Irritated with her inattentiveness, I poked her awake knowing that later she'd be borrowing my notes to study for the exam.
"Miss Baker, I'd like to have a word with you," Professor Jackson said as we pulled on our coats and prepared to head over to the anatomy lab. "You may go on along to the lab, Miss Pierce."
I gave Liz a concerned look as she shrugged, then I walked out into the corridor and waited for her. Something wasn't right with Liz, but by the time she walked out of the classroom, she'd regained her sassy manner and spent the walk over to the lab mimicking Professor Jackson's academic concern. She had me giggling until I couldn't control myself as my doubts about her slipped away.
"So, tell me about the boy," Liz said over lunch once we'd finished our anatomy lab assignment. "Was he a good kisser?"
"Mmm hmm," I nodded with a mouth full of peri peri chicken. I swallowed, and said, "He was an incredibly good kisser. I wanted more, but the alarm broke it ,up and then when he drove me home it didn't feel right, you know?"
"No, I do not know," Liz said as she picked at the cucumber salad. "If I want to have sex, I have sex. I don't have this weird guilt thing going on. Where does that even come from?"
"Probably the church," I mumbled as I put another forkful of chicken in my mouth.
"Ah, I see, that's why I have no guilt," she grinned. "No church doctrine to cloud my upbringing."
"It wasn't all bad, Liz," I said feeling both guilty and ashamed. I hated this mix of feelings, and had fought it my entire adult life. I always felt like I was fighting a battle against corruption and freedom to make my own choices, and I never felt like I won, even when I made good decisions. "It's just that..."
"Just that you wanted to take him upstairs, strip him naked and have your way with him, and you let the guilt take hold and drive him away?" she asked in her blunt way. "Look, there's nothing wrong with making healthy choices, Alex. I'm not saying you should hop in bed with every guy that crosses your path. In fact, don't do that. It's not healthy, but you are an adult female with a sex drive and occasionally you're going to meet men who seem like they would be good at taking care of your needs. Don't shy away from those guys."
"You make it sound so easy," I said as I picked up a sweet potato fry and popped it in my mouth. "It's not always so clear cut. Plus, I don't want a guy I like to think I'm easy."
"Oh, please, give me a break," she said rolling her eyes. "I'm sick and tired of that double standard that says that men always want sex and women are just waiting for Mr. Right. That's bullshit, and you know it. This is the twenty-first century; we're allowed to have sex when and where we want to so long as it's safe, sane and consensual."
"Where do you learn these things, Liz?" I laughed. "It's like you've been studying sex and writing lectures."