"Must be a woman," he observed as he poured me a draft and stuck an orange slice on the edge of the glass.
"How'd you know?" I laughed.
"There's only two things you stay sober to negotiate," he replied. "Women and speeding tickets."
"Is that right, Billy?" I laughed harder as I sipped my beer and looked around the place. There were a few tables full of tourists and the bar was lined with regulars who all waved at me and then turned their attention back to the hockey game on the big screen behind the bar.
"So, who's the woman?" Billy asked as he ran a sink full of hot water and began washing bar glasses.
"Her name's Alex," I said knowing that I could tell Billy anything and my secrets would stay safe with him. He was like the Fort Knox of firefighter confessions. "She's a nursing student over at the college and is doing her internship at General."
"I see," Billy nodded. "How you feeling about that?"
"Honestly, mixed up," I said as I ran my finger down the side of my beer glass leaving a line in the perspiration. "I'm not sure how I should feel."
"She know about Quinn?" he asked as he dunked a glass into the suds, scrubbed with his rag and then plunged the glass into the rinse water.
"Yeah, she's fine with it," I nodded.
"She know about the other business?" Billy asked. I'd told him about CSC one drunken evening when I was worried that I wouldn't be able to come up with the cash to keep it going. Billy had suggested that I find a few partners, but I'd blown off the idea once I'd gotten the life insurance check. I hadn't wanted to keep any of the money, but Leo had convinced me that I needed to invest it, even if I wasn't going to spend it myself. Billy had seconded Leo's advice, so I'd done it.
"No, but I'm going to tell her tonight," I said. "Leo's landed a big client and we're going to have to go public with the ownership to keep the contract."
"How do you feel about that?" Billy asked as one of the regulars signaled for another drink. "Be right back."
I used the time to think about how I really felt about all of this. I was angry that I was being forced to show myself and become the focus of attention again. I'd had enough of it to last a lifetime after Quinn had died, but now I wondered if I hadn't gotten to deep into my own need for privacy.
"I think I'm okay with it," I said when Billy returned from delivering the drink. "I think it's good for me to let go of the past and start to live in the present now. And maybe the attention on CSC will be a good thing for me and Leo."
"Sounds like a good attitude," Billy said with a knowing smile. "It's good to see you branching out."
"It feels good to start to live again," I nodded.
"Women will do that to you," Billy grinned. "You sure you're ready for that?"
"Yeah, I'm sure," I said as Billy reached across the bar and slapped my shoulder.
I sat and shot the breeze with him for another hour before I realized that Alex had started her shift at the hospital and I needed to see her.
#
I parked on a side street and walked in through the emergency entrance. A receptionist looked at me and held up a clipboard full of forms before she realized who I was. She buzzed me through to the ER and I went in search of Alex.
"She's down in the stock room in the basement," the shift nurse said. "She should be back up in a few minutes."
"I'll go find her, if that's okay," I said as I turned toward the freight elevator.
"Suit yourself," the charge nurse shrugged. "Tell her we need more 4x4 bandages as well."
I saluted her as I hit the button and waited for the elevator to take me to the basement. It was dark downstairs and I wasn't sure which way the supply room was until I saw a light at the end of the hallway to the right.
"Alex? You down here?" I called as I walked toward the light.
"Over here!" she called as I continued down the hallway and found her standing on top of a ladder trying to reach a large box on top of a cabinet. I could see that she was precariously perched on the top step, so I moved to the ladder and held it steady. I couldn't help but stare at her round bottom and remember the way it had felt in my hands the night before. She looked down and caught me staring and smiled as she said, "Thanks."
"Toss the box down," I said after she'd found what she was looking for. "I'll catch it."
"No, it's fine," she said primly as she navigated her way down the steps holding the box. Once she was back on the ground, she looked up at me and said, "So, you had something you wanted to say?"