Riley sat on the tile floor in the entryway with her back against the wall. She was staring straight ahead her arms wrapped around her knees, which were pulled up against her chest. Her mute response told me that she'd disappeared somewhere in her mind.
"Mama! What are you doing?" I shouted as I pushed the door closed behind me. The house looked like a tornado had gone through it while I'd been a work. There were dishes piled up on the coffee table, several vodka bottles under it, and all of Mama's bedding on the couch. It looked like she'd permanently relocated to the living room.
"This stupid child dumped the last of my bottle into the sink while I was sleeping!" she yelled. "That was money she poured down the drain, and now I have to go get more!"
"First of all, dial it down a notch, Mama," I said sternly. "She's not stupid. Second, if she did do it, then she's just looking out for you."
"By destroying my property?" Mama shouted, completely disregarding my desire to try and have a reasonable conversation. "She's an ungrateful, little bitch and I'm sick of this shit!"
"Mama," I warned. "In this house we talk to each other with respect, not insults."
"Oh do shut the fuck up, Leah," my mother said waving her hand in front of my face. It was the last straw. I grabbed my mother by the collar of her dirty polo shirt and pushed her all the way back to the couch where I shoved her hard enough to send her sprawling back into the messy lump of bedclothes that lined the couch.
"What the fuck?" my mother yelled in outrage.
"No! You sit down and listen to me, lady!" I growled. "I've had enough of your shit, and now we're going to have the talk that we should have had long ago. You are a drunk, Mama. You are an alcoholic, and you are drinking yourself into an early grave. It has to stop!"
"Who are you to go getting into everyone's business, little Miss Nosy Pants?" my mother retorted. "It's not like you're so perfect."
"I never said I was, but you've been abusive for long enough," I said. "You never cut me any slack or see any of the work I put into keeping this family together!"
"Oh, boo-hoo," she mocked. "You're upset because you had to step up and take charge. Well, welcome to the real world, girl. We all have to be the bosses of our own big selves."
"What is wrong with you?" I whispered horrified by the unbridled meanness coming out of my mother's mouth. I knew she'd been unhappy, but I didn't know to what extent. "How can you talk to us like this?"
"How can I talk to you like this?" she laughed. "Oh that's a good one, Leah. How can I talk to you like this? After all of the crap I put up with, and you wonder why I'm angry? You children sucked the life out of me. You ruined my chances of ever having an acting career—or any career, really—and now you want to know why I'm angry and resentful."
"Mama, stop …" I said as I realized that Riley was still sitting on the floor in the entryway. "Please don't do this."
"You started it, Leah," she said narrowing her eyes before she grabbed the glass sitting in front of her and took a big swig. "You and that useless sister of yours. At least you stuck around to try and clean up her mess."
"Mama! Enough!" I shouted. "That's enough!"
"And that one," she said pointing at Riley who now had her head pressed against her knees. "She's headed down the same exact road as her mother. Might as well just toss her out into the streets right now. She's going to wind up there sooner or later. Might as well save time."
"MAMA! SHUT THE HELL UP!" I screamed as I turned and ran to Riley. I pulled her up off of the floor and gathered her in my arms before walking her upstairs to her bedroom. I whispered quietly as we walked, "She's not in her right mind. She's drunk, and she doesn't know what she's saying. Do not believe a word she says, Riley. Do you hear me?"
Riley nodded, but didn't say a word. I could see the storm building inside her. She was just like her mother in that way, and I was thankful that I recognized what was going on. I sat Riley down on the bed, closed her door, and returned to kneel in front of her.
"Riley, this is not your life," I said as I took her hands in mine and gripped them tightly. "This is not how it's going to be forever. I'm going to get Gram some help, and you and I are going to have some peace around her. Do you understand?"
Riley nodded again, but remained mute.
"Your mother was a good person, and she did everything she could to keep you safe," I said as I looked up at her. The tears began to drip down her cheeks as I reminded her of how much Molly had loved her and how hard she'd fought. "You know this, right? You're not a bad person, Riley."
"Yes, I am!" she wailed. The declaration surprised me, and I hopped up off of the floor and sat next to her on the bed wrapping my arms around her. "I'm a bad person, Leah! Gram isn't lying. I got kicked out of school."
"What do you mean?" I asked. Riley got up off of the bed and walked over to her backpack. She unzipped it and removed a sheet of paper from the pack and handed it to me.
"I got suspended," she said flatly.
I took the letter from her and read over it. She'd been suspended for fighting and would not be allowed to return to class for a week. I looked up at her, feeling helpless and very alone, and saw that she had collapsed into a pile on the floor. I moved off of the bed and sat down next to her, rubbing her back as she cried.
"Riley, we'll figure it out," I said. "I'm not going to leave you. We'll figure this out, together. You hear me?"
All I got in response was a small nod of her head, but that was enough to steel my nerves. As I sat on the floor waiting for the sobs to subside, I mapped the next steps that I would take.