"One would think," I said, returning his grin. "But this is how it's going to go for now, so get used to it, and don't make me crack the whip."
There were some wolf whistles and laughter at Burt's expense, and then we broke up to start the day. I handed Burt the morning's orders and told him that I was running out to take care of something.
"Where you going?" he asked seeing the tense look on my face.
"I need to go home and take care of a couple of things," I said grimly. "They can't wait."
"I got it under control, Leah," he said patting my shoulder like I was one of the guys. "No worries."
I nodded and headed to my office to grab my purse and call a cab. I was pretty sure Jimmy was outside waiting, but I wasn't sure what Jack's schedule was for the day. Besides, I didn't want him to know what I was doing.
*
I called Patrick from the cab and asked him to meet me at the house so we could talk about what we were going to do with Mama's things. He grudgingly agreed and said he'd be there as soon as he could.
After the taxi drove away, I stood staring at the charred remains of what had been my home for almost my entire life. There was a ‘For Sale’ sign on the front lawn with the name and number of a realtor I didn't recognize. The fire department had done what they could to clean up the mess, and Patrick had had a company install boards over the broken windows, making the house look abandoned.
Patrick arrived a few minutes later and together we entered the house. It was pitch black inside, so we left the front door open to let in some light.
"I don't know that anything's salvageable," Patrick said as he walked through the burned out living room.
"Not in the front room, but the rest of the house wasn't burned," I said a little defensively. "Let's check her room and see."
"Leah, you do understand that the whole house was affected, don't you?" he said in a condescending tone that put me on edge.
"Of course, I do," I muttered. "I'm not stupid, you know."
"I didn't say you were," he replied as we climbed the soot covered stairway.
I peeked into my bedroom and quickly realized that the damage to the house was far more extensive than I'd imagined. The firefighters had sprayed the entire house with water and had pulled apart the walls in my room and Riley's room, the ones over the living room and closest to the actual blaze. My closet was now a wet mass that contained the beginnings of mold and rot, and it stunk terribly. I knew I wouldn't be able to recover much from the mess. I took a deep breath, opened the top drawer of my dresser, and pulled out the small metal box I kept a few keepsakes in. I tucked it into my purse.
I checked Riley's room and found it in a similar condition. I opened her dresser drawers to see if she'd kept anything like I had and found nothing but a small pillbox that contained an old high school photo of Molly and a locket that she'd worn when she was a kid. I tucked it in my purse and followed Patrick down the hall to Mama's room.
Light streamed in from a window that hadn't been broken and combined with the water that had flooded everything it made the room seem even dingier and more of a dump than I'd remembered. I told myself that living at Betty's house was the reason all of this seemed worse, but I didn't believe the lie.
"Do you think Mama wants any of this?" Patrick asked as he kicked a pile of clothing that lay on the floor. "What a dump."
"Shut up," I said as I looked around. "You got out, so just shut up."
"What? You think it didn't affect me?" he shot back suddenly hostile and angry. "You think that just because I left, I forgot what it was like living with … her?"
"No, I don't think you forgot, I think you just put us out of your mind and moved on!" I shouted. "Quit acting like you're the only one who was affected by all of this, Patrick. You might be a priest, but you make a lousy martyr."
"That's what you think I'm aiming for?" he said staring at me in disbelief. "You think I want to be a martyr? Well, let me tell you something, little sister, I never ever wanted to be a martyr. I think that was your goal."
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I shouted. "I'm the one who stayed!"
"My point exactly," he said looking away. "You stayed and tried to fix everything, but instead you made it all worse."
"I made it worse? How in the hell did I make anything worse than it already was?" I yelled. "You walked away and left us behind! You just checked out of the family and left me to clean up the mess that was left! You are my older br
other! You were supposed to protect me!"
"I know, and I'm sorry that I didn’t do that," he said bowing his head. "But I didn't know how else to survive."
Patrick looked at me with tears welling up in his eyes. I shook my head, trying to maintain my self-righteous anger so that I wouldn't go down the path that would invariably lead to self-pity and sadness. I was angry at him for leaving me alone with Mama.
"Leah, I didn't know how I could survive if I stayed here," he said quietly. "She hates me. She's always hated me."