My stomach churned with guilt over just talking to Brandon. Logically, I knew that I wasn’t cheating on Spencer. I’d had a few men in my bed since he had passed away. None of them had sparked such a rush of emotion as my brief conversation with Brandon, though.
Brandon seemed to be a normal guy who I actually would have dated before I met Spencer. He obviously had a decent job, since he had paid for a premium membership on our website, and I noticed he had a full consultation coming up with our Director of Love. Those meetings were only for truly elite clients, so Brandon had to be at least a millionaire if he qualified for that meeting.
Beyond his financial stability, he was really handsome, funny, and liked to run as much as I did.
Guilt wasn’t really a logical feeling for me to have since my husband had been gone several years, but maybe it was because I hadn’t met a guy I actually wanted to date before. The men in my life over the last couple years had been what I liked to refer to has place holders. They stood in for what I needed at the moment without pushing a relationship agenda.
The problem was that Brandon was on a dating website: he actually wanted a real relationship with someone and I had responded to his messages. My stomach continued to churn as I went back to figuring out my coding error on our profiles.
“It looks like it didn’t go well,” Mattie said as she came back from lunch.
Her face drooped apologetically as I tried to explain what had happened. The conversation had gone pretty well. The problem was that I hadn’t mentally prepared myself to have a good conversation with an emotionally available man. My spur of the moment decision had me swirling with emotions.
“It was all right. I’m just not ready to date.”
“You are ready! Don’t even tell me this. Come on now – Connor is in school; you’re doing great at work. It’s time for you to get out on the market for real. Like an actual date where you have a drink and eat some food.”
“I’ve had a drink with guys before,” I protested.
“Standing at the bar while they flirt with you and convince you to go back to their place, is not dating.”
“I know, I know. I just don’t think I’m ready.”
“Okay, let’s assume you’re right. When will you be ready? What exactly are you waiting for?”
“I don’t know. Isn’t it too soon? I don’t want to fall in love with some guy and look like the horrible widow who rushed out to find a second husband.”
“Del, it’s been four years. I guarantee no one is going to say you rushed out to find a husband. Hell, even Spencer’s parents tried to fix you up last Christmas. If your own late husband’s family is trying to find you a guy, that’s a clear sign you have a green light for dating.”
I had to laugh at the memory of Mary and Steve trying to fix me up with their accountant. They had invited him to a New Year’s Eve party that was a couple’s-only party, then they invited me. The poor guy ended up sitting next to me and talking about my son’s pre-school mishaps all evening long. I certainly wasn’t a fascinating date.
Mary and Steve were literally the most perfect in-laws in the world. They came over and took Connor for fun weekend trips. They babysat for me whenever my babysitter flaked out and always made me feel loved, no matter what was going on in my life.
I was so lucky they were in Los Angeles with us; I never would have stayed in town after Spencer’s death if they hadn’t been there to help me. My family had begged me to come back to Idaho, but I had just started at Dating the Rich and I really loved the warm California weather. It was a difficult decision to stay in sunny California, but was made easier by my in-laws.
“I’ll consider it. I’m not saying I’d date this guy, but I will consider going on a real date soon.”
“Why not the millionaire from the site?” Mattie asked firmly. “He’s a decent guy, right?”
“Sure, he seemed nice enough. But let’s be realistic here: if he’s a rich, good-looking guy, the last thing he’s going to be looking for is a woman with the kind of baggage I have. He could get any hot, young thing on our site to go out with him. I’m sure he wouldn’t be interested in me.”
“He’s rich, right? He messaged you, right? I think that’s a pretty good sign he was interested in you.”
“You know money isn’t important to me. I’d date a poor man if we got along well. And, I think he was only interested in that bikini photo. Anyways, it doesn’t matter now. I’ve got the account private and he can’t message me. End of story.”
“Okay, so then if this guy asks you out, promise you’ll go with him.”
“I just shut out of our conversation and made my profile invisible. I doubt he’s going to be asking me out, since he has no way of reaching me,” I shrugged. “Plus, technically he did ask me out, right before I closed the conversation and blocked my account.”
“Del!”
“Sorry, it was an impulse move. How about I make you a compromise: I’ll go out with the next decent guy who asks me out. Does that sound like a deal?”
“I guess, but you really should make your profile live again and let that guy ask you out. There’s no reason you need to date some loser like Markus when you’ve got guys like him hitting on you.”
“Did you and Markus talk about last night?” I asked nervously.
It really was sad how many problems Mattie and Markus had in their relationship. It was even sadder that they both chose to stay together. If they really weren’t happy, why bother pushing through an unhappy relationship? It seemed much better for both people to just move on and find what it was they were looking for.