Biker's Virgin

But the denial was slowly starting to fall away, and I realized that I couldn’t hide from it any longer. I had wanted to stay away from love my whole life, but I no longer had the choice.

Chapter Twenty

Mila

I saw a hundred different emotions flit across his face. He was unaccustomed to being confronted like this, and it was more powerful because it was true. I felt a strange sense of triumph, but it was weighted down in my own realization. I may have been right about Zack, but he was right about me too. I did love him… and I could no longer deny that.

It felt like an eternity could have passed in that moment. The silence ticked by, and it felt like infinity was contained within that space. I saw two possible futures… two possible alternatives that hung in the air, waiting patiently for a decision to be made.

The first alternative was the more beautiful one, but it was also the more idealistic one. I saw Zack snap out of the silence and walk towards me. I saw him kiss me passionately and profess his love to me. I saw the two of us a couple of years down the road, with a home of our own and a couple of children playing in the backyard. I saw a sensible car in the driveway, right next to Zack’s Harley. I saw a life of domestic bliss that seemed so far-reaching and yet it tasted so close.

The second alternative was far less beautiful and far more realistic. I saw Zack snap out of the silence with bitterness in his eyes. I saw him walk away from me, get on his bike, and drive off. I saw us a couple of years down the road, but it wasn’t an ‘us’ I was seeing. We were on separate paths now. I was living in a different city surrounded by faceless people I knew were friends. Zack was in this house, drinking and fucking random women and refusing to think too hard about the past. I blinked once, and both possibilities faded away, leaving only the present.

“I’m not the kind of guy you would be happy with,” Zack said, breaking the silence.

“I know,” noticing that he didn’t deny anything I’d just aimed at him.

“I’m not easy, I’m not compromising, and I’m not always kind,” he continued.

“I know that too.”

“I don’t know what you want.”

“I don’t know what I want either,” I said.

He walked towards me slowly, and I wondered what that meant. He came to a stop in front of me and looked into my eyes. “When this is over,” he said. “You’ll move on with your life… and I’ll move on with mine,” he said.

I sighed and nodded.

“That’s what you want, isn’t it?” he asked, and I was surprised that he phrased it as a question. Was he searching for a different answer? Was he waiting for me to tell him something new… something different… something that left us with some hope for a future?

“I told you,” I said honestly. “I don’t know what I want.”

Zack’s eyes dropped, and I could no longer see his expression. I took a step towards him, feeling my anger and frustration and uncertainty fade away as my mind realized that I had just made a decision.

“But there is one thing that I do know for certain,” I said.

Zack’s eyes came up to meet my own. “What is that?” he asked.

I moved right into the curve of his body, and I felt his arms twitch slightly, as though he wanted to grab a hold of me but was preventing himself from moving too freely.

“I’m ready,” was all I said.

I saw his eyebrows rise slightly, and I wondered if it was just my imagination or if I had just seen nervousness flit across his face.

“Ready?” he repeated, like he wanted to be doubly sure.

“I want to be with you… I’m ready,” I clarified.

He hesitated, and I frowned. “Isn’t this what you’ve been after since I moved into the house?” I asked, noticing that he didn’t drop his hands from my waist. “You’ve wanted to fuck me since I got here.”

“Is this what you want?” he asked.

“Does it matter?”

“Actually… it does to me,” Zack replied, and I felt my love for him expand.

I nodded. “It is what I want. I know that when this is all over… we’re going to go our separate ways. But that doesn’t matter right now. For right now, I just want to be with you.”