Biker's Virgin

If I said yes, then she would believe me wholeheartedly. She would throw herself into our relationship and would beg for my forgiveness for presuming that I was cheating on her. We would move on, and we would get further into this relationship. A few years would pass by, and things would start to change. What if I realized that commitment was not for me? What if I decided that I was happier without the pressure of having to consider someone else all the time?

They were selfish thoughts, and I knew that the fact that I was having them in the first place meant something. I needed to save Molly from myself, and in order to protect her later, I would have to hurt her now. It was a split-second decision, weighted by the bulk of my own insecurities, doubts, and fears, but I felt at the moment that it was the noble thing to do.

“No,” I said.

“No?” Molly repeated, and her eyes turned sad again. “There was no misunderstanding?”

“I should have told you about this sooner,” I said.

“About what sooner?” she demanded.

“The woman you saw in my suite… I’ve known her for a long time,” I said, choking out the words and trying to make them convincing. “And I care about her very much.”

Molly stared at me for a moment and then she turned her face away. A curtain of golden hair hid her expression from my view, and I was grateful for that.

“I trusted you,” she said softly, and her tone was like a knife to my gut.

“Molly—”

“I trusted you!!” she screamed, throwing the full fury of her eyes onto me. “And worse… I loved you!”

“Molly—”

“I thought you loved me, too,” she screamed. “I thought we had something special. It was a long wait for me, and I thought it was worth it. It was worth it to me…until…”

“I never meant to hurt you.”

Her blue eyes flashed to mine, and I cringed against the emotion there. “How can you say that to me?” she demanded. “How can you look me in the eye and say that to me? You did this to hurt me—how could you not have. I should have known… It was only a matter of time. I was such a naïve fool to think that I could change you, to think that I could be enough to change you.

“This was the real reason you never told Jason, isn’t it?” Molly continued fiercely. “You knew it wouldn’t last between us. You knew I would find out sooner or later, and you wanted to keep Jason from ever knowing so that you could keep your friend after you were done with me?”

I looked down; it was hard for me to look her in the eye. “This is for the best, Molly.”

I saw her eyes go wide as though I had slapped her. “Did it mean anything to you?” she asked softly.

Tears were sliding down her face, and I felt my heart bleed at the sight. I so desperately wanted to reach out to her, touch her, pull her towards me, and beg her to forgive me—but I couldn’t.

“Of course it meant something to me,” I said. How could I lie to her about that? I couldn’t even if I had wanted to—she was too important to me, and I couldn’t bring myself to say anything else.

Molly scoffed in my face and turned from me towards the door. “Another lie,” she said. “If it had meant anything to you, then you would have at least had the decency to break up with me first…before you fucked another woman.”

“Molly—”

“I have to go back home,” she said.

I had expected as much, but it still hurt when she said the words. I pushed back my emotion and put on an expression of calm. “I’ll make arrangements to get you on the next flight out.”

I could see the sparkle of tears on Molly’s face as she shook her head at me. “I’ve spent ten years of my life loving you,” she said softly. “It was such a waste.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, it was the only thing I could say.

Her smile was heartbreakingly sad. “You know the really tragic part?” she asked. “Despite everything, I still love you. Even now… I still love you. I can’t just stop—but now I know I have to at least try. Goodbye, Tristan.”

With that, she turned and walked out of my office, but it felt as though she had just walked out of my life. I sat down heavily and reached for the bottle of bourbon I kept in the mini bar underneath my desk. I had just poured myself a glass when Ben walked in.

“What the fuck was that all about?” he demanded of me. “Molly’s leaving?”

“She just handed in her resignation,” I replied without emotion.