Biker's Virgin

"Why didn't you contact him?"

"Because you don't ask someone to stay after telling them never to talk to you again."

"What?" she asked, shocked.

"He never told me about the team wanting to sign him. When I found out, after you told me, I couldn't let it happen. He was ready to potentially give up his whole life for me. I couldn't let him do that, Tiff. I couldn't be the reason he passed this up."

"Veronica," she started, "you asked him not to talk to you? I know he would have at least wanted to hear from you before he left."

"I felt like if I left that door open, he would give himself a reason to stay, somehow," I admit

ted. “I didn't want him to have any hope that it could go differently."

"Vee. Do you realize what happened here?"

"What?" I sniffed.

"You just did the same thing that he did. You broke up with him so he had a chance to do something that makes him happy. Last year, he left you because he wanted to give you a chance at the same thing."

"He should have talked to me about it. I would have waited. Why did he think that I wouldn't? Both times he had a big decision to make and he never talked to me."

"You didn't talk to him, either, Vee. You decided that he'd go when you could have asked to talk about it instead," she said.

"He didn't even tell me that he'd been talking to anyone."

"You were doing the same thing, protecting each other, when I think maybe you should have taken the risks."

I was crying now. Tiff didn't try to stop me or comfort me. She let me get it out. Was his really the same thing? Was I punishing myself so he wouldn't have to? Just like he was doing for me? It had made sense in my head...so it must have for him to when he did it. Everything I went through last year, I was putting him through now. I felt wretched, like there had been a better way both times and both times, we hadn't made the choice to take it.

"How did we end up like this?" I sighed.

"You're protective of each other. You went with your instincts instead of slowing down and waiting for another option."

"I feel so stupid," I said, drying my face.

"You aren't stupid, neither of you. You both had good intentions; it just wasn't the right thing to do."

"He still deserves it. To play. I hope he's happy."

"I know what would make this better, for both of you," she said.

"I can't tell him all this now, he just left. He would come back, try to get out of his contract, something risky like that."

"He should still hear it. Don't let him live there thousands of miles away alone with that being the last memory of the two of you together."

"I can't do it yet. I made this decision getting ready to lose him. It hurts, but I made my bed."

"Vee, you're doing it again. You're punishing both of you by not talking to him."

But it's better this way, I thought. I'd pushed him into this and it was where he had to stay now. I couldn't swoop back in and tell him I changed my mind.

"Maybe this is how it was meant to be," I said. "If it isn't, then maybe we'll be brought together again somehow. I don't think right now is our time." Tiffany looked like she was holding back. I knew that she'd respect what I wanted, but it probably irked her more than anything.

"I can't say I get it, but... I don't think it's for me to get."

"Would you trust me on it?"

"I sort of have to," she said, shooting me a crooked smile.