I didn't have anything to say to that. All I had seen was what she had shown me. Her anger when she told me to get out of her life. Her telling me never to talk to her again. She had pushed me away so violently, right to this place. It had been her plan all along. I was here now. I was going to play, but I had lost her. The way I didn't see my future without her, she didn't see my future without this.
"I can't believe she did that."
"Are you sure? Because it seems like a pattern with you two at this point." I shook my head. It did. It was so fucking dysfunctional. How did we each manage to make each other so miserable while just trying to be happy? I couldn't believe it. This was why the fuck I loved her. She could do things like this. I hated that she pushed me away, but now I could see why she did it. I had done it to her, too.
"Yeah. How many more breakups do you think we'll last?" I asked jokingly.
"How about none? Just makeup already and stop doing it. Do you know how hard it is being in the middle of you two?"
"So sorry that's been difficult for you," I said sarcastically.
"I'm serious. I wasn't telling you this so that you would do anything. I just didn't know whether she would ever let you know herself. As far as she's concerned, she doesn't want to be the reason you pass this up. Do what you need to do. Just understand why she did it."
I thanked Tiffany for telling me and we hung up.
Was it wrong to feel like I knew it? I fucking knew it. I fucking knew there was a reason I still loved her. It was because she still loved me. I knew there had to be a reason, something that made her think that us being apart was a good idea, something that wasn't her not wanting to be together anymore. The only reason we would be broken up would be something like this.
I had to do something. I wanted to call her and tell her that I knew and that it was okay. I loved her, and we didn't have to do this anymore. But that wasn't it. If she had done this in the first place, she'd push back if I tried to contact her now. I had to do something though. I looked down at my phone.
I hit Coach Hayes's number and waited.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Veronica
You did this to yourself. It's almost over. This is the last week you have to do this, then you're free... For like three weeks before you have to do it all over again.
Who had let me talk myself into this? I knew it would all be worth it in the end, but I was ready for it to be over. It was still hot outside, I could make the most of it before school started again and I knew that it had been the right move for me and what I wanted to do.
I could still be bitchy about it. It was still hard. It had still been a sacrifice.
I didn’t even have plans for the few weeks that I would have off of school. All I wanted was to be off. Treating myself to a trip probably wouldn’t be out of order, but I needed to make financial decisions like that when I wasn't highly caffeinated and about to take a test.
"It's finally over," Tiffany said dramatically as we walked towards our classes.
"Almost. Don't jinx it while we're on the home stretch," I laughed.
"Has this semester been longer than the regular ones?"
"No. The days are so long these now it just feels like it has," I reflected. She giggled.
"I can't wait to finish. I'm never doing this again," she said. I'd hold her to that next year when she was a junior.
"Any plans for the last days of summer?"
"Sleep. So much sleep," she sighed. "Nothing else, really. You?" I shrugged, thinking the same thing. I could hold off planning anything till I was really home and free.
"I talked to Roman yesterday," she said.
I paused, feeling my chest tighten slightly. I thought about him every day. Every single day. It would just surprise me when other people brought him up because they, unlike me, were most likely talking to him. That meant they had updates – something I was thirsty for, but didn't want to ask him for myself. I had taken myself out of his life so he could focus on football. That didn't mean I could resist when he came up.
"Yeah? How is he?" I asked casually.
"Great. He likes it over there. He sounded like he's getting on really well."
"That's good to hear."
"I thought so, too. I want to worry about him, then I remember he spent a year in Afghanistan."