Biker's Virgin

He still didn’t say anything. I could hear him breathing. It felt like a hesitation to me, and of course, I took it personally, thinking he must be so appalled that he was having a hard time speaking. I wanted to think that he’d heard a lot worse than my paltry sins, but my imagination was working overtime and I pictured him calling me all sorts of things in his head. God was probably going to strike me down just for having those thoughts in church.

I waited, not so patiently, and worried some more as I waited for him to respond. When he did, things only got worse. As soon as I heard the sound of his voice, chills ran from the top of my spine, down my back and across both of my arms. Why was that voice so familiar? I’d heard it recently and something about it made me feel so strange. I listened carefully as he spoke in a slightly shaky voice and I finally remembered where I’d heard that voice before.

It belonged to him — the gorgeous man I’d given my virginity to.

No way; it can’t be him. This is a priest! I let that settle for a moment and then he said something really strange that got my suspicions aroused again. Before we prayed he said, “Does anyone else know about your…indiscretion?”

What an odd question. Why would that matter? A sin was still a sin, whether you told anyone about it or not.

“No, Father, I am too ashamed to tell anyone else. Besides, I believe that it’s between God and me at this point.”

He hesitated again. This was the oddest confession I’d ever had. Finally, I heard him take a deep breath and imagined him having more questions. He didn’t ask any, however. Instead, he said, “Bless you. Please go and say three Hail Marys and two Our Fathers and sin no more.” I wondered now if the shakiness in his voice was because he recognized my voice, as well.

He began to recite the Act of Contrition, and although I knew this drill very well, it took me a few seconds to jump in because I was still freaked out and trying to figure out what I should do.

I remembered back to the night I met the man in the bar. I had thought about how much I liked his voice. It was soft and gentle, but still masculine…like silk, almost. Just like this man’s voice — my new priest. I assured myself that the man I had sex with was not a priest and jumped in at, “I detest all of my sins because they offend thee…”

Even as I prayed, it was suddenly impossible to get the image of the gorgeous man that the voice had drummed up out of my head. I knelt at the altar and offered my penance, the entire time almost hoping the priest would step out of his side of the booth so that I could see his face. There was no way, no way at all…that would just be way too much for God to expect me to bear.

I finished my prayers and said one more, “Dear God in heaven, please let me be horribly mistaken about Father Jace.”

I left with my soul feeling somewhat lighter. Church always did that for me, no matter what the situation. But, I didn’t feel quite as light as I normally did after I confessed my sins. Something was different about it this time. I don’t know if it’s my own paranoia and concerns about his voice sounding so familiar or if this priest just wasn’t as warm and comforting as the ones I’ve known in the past.

This one seemed to be more concerned with whether or not I had told anyone than anything else…and that was just odd.

Chapter Ten

Jace

As soon as I heard the sound of her voice, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I may have even gasped aloud and I hoped that she didn’t hear me.

Life as I had come to know it seemed to be ending rapidly. First, I had lost my grandmother, and then I gave in to the sins of the bottle and then the sins of the flesh. Now, I heard the beautiful young woman’s voice again…in the confessional, of all places.

I remembered the sound of it clearly. It had a sweet little timbre to it, and besides, when a priest has a moment like that — or an entire night, such as I did that night — he’s going to vividly remember every detail, no matter how drunk he was.

I couldn't believe that I had asked her if she’d told anyone. That was a very un-priestly question. I didn’t offer any words of support or encouragement, I just slapped her penance on her and sent her on her way.

Now, I couldn’t help myself. I had to know for sure. I had to be certain that the potential end to my career was kneeling in my church. I was treading all over the sacraments. I pushed open the confessional door just a tiny little crack. Luckily, no one else was waiting for confession.

I could see the shapely young lady walk towards the altar in her skirt and heels. I begged myself to remember where I was and to not enjoy watching her walk away. It was hard. She had to have shapeliest legs and backside that I’d seen in a long time…or maybe it was just the only one I’d noticed.

Before she knelt down, she glanced up at the huge crucifix on the wall. I could clearly see her profile and make out her pretty features. This was absolutely, without a doubt, the girl I broke my vows with.

I pulled the door closed and once more felt sick to my stomach. What have I done? If she tells anyone, the scandal will surely make the papers, I could lose my job…and my brothers would find out. They’re both so proud of me, like Grandmother always was. Grandmother would turn over in her grave and my brothers…well, I’m sure they’d still love me as much as ever, but the scandal would be humiliating for them, as well.

I closed my eyes and prayed, “Dear Father, please forgive me for my trespasses against you, and please God, give me the strength to walk the straight and narrow path you’ve laid out before me.”

Chapter Eleven

Daphne

I didn’t make it to church the Sunday after confession. I had to work and I was disappointed for more than one reason. The first one being that I really did love going to church. It made me feel close to God and like things were going to be right with the world.

The second reason was that I was dying to see the new priest. I kept trying to convince myself that it absolutely was not him…it couldn’t be, but until I actually saw him, it was going to continue to niggle away at me. I wanted to see him so that I could tell myself once and for all that it was all in my head.

My guilt was trying to convince me that I had created a much more grievous sin than I’d originally thought. It was eating away at me and I’d have to wait one more week to find out for certain. I prayed every night that the sound of his voice was nothing more than a coincidence.

I decided to cook myself some dinner after I got home from work on Monday night. I’d bought some lean beef and I cut it in strips and marinated it. I caramelized some red onions, bell peppers, and Portobello mushrooms cut up into quarter-sized pieces. Then I mixed it all together with some fried rice and rolled it in a whole wheat wrap. I took a big bite before I even made it to the table. It was delicious and I was proud of myself for cooking and not eating fast food.