Biker's Virgin

“Oh Lord, fine. You feel guilty for giving your maidenhead to a man.”

I laughed and shook my head; she was too much. “Yes, I do feel guilty.”

“So, your head is messing with you because of it. You’ll see. You’ll take one look at the priest when you see him and you’ll know that there is now way you slept with that guy.”

I laughed again and she said, “In all seriousness, he was probably just trying to understand your situation and your frame of mind better. Or, I know how fast you talk when you want to just get something over with. Maybe he just wanted you to slow down and think about it so you can learn from it. That’s what priests do, right?”

“I suppose…”

“Did he give you a stricter penance than other priests?”

“No, it was about the same.”

“Well then, I’m sure that I’m right. Of course, I usually am. You’re letting your thoughts and emotions drive you crazy. You do it all the time, baby. You’re your own worst enemy.”

That much I knew was true. For the time being, I wanted to believe she was right and I hadn’t done anything as horrible as I feared. I changed the subject back to her and we had a 20-minute conversation about her new boyfriend.

Carla loves men. She unfortunately looks for love in all the wrong places…except rectories, that’s apparently my department. Each man she goes out with starts perfect and she thinks, “This is it, I’ve met the one.” Then by the end of the first or second month, he turns into a two-headed sloth and she has to try and get rid of him.

The good news is that she never gives up. The bad news is that she never gives up.

Chapter Twelve

Jace

The Saturday after I listened to the woman I’d have sex with confess her sins, I cancelled on my brothers for lunch. I didn’t know how to deal with all of it myself, but I knew that my brothers were the wrong ones to ask. I love them more than my next breath, but neither of them is very religious. Grandmother tried, but I was the only one it stuck onto to…and look how that turned out.

Anyway, I needed some quiet time so I spent all day Saturday organizing my new apartment and talking aloud to God as I did. I wished so badly that He could just tell me what to do. I suddenly understood those parishioners who came to me and said, “God gives me all of these choices…why doesn’t he just put the right one in front of me so I know which one it is?”

I knew what the Catholic Church expected of me. I’d taken vows to serve God and to remain pious as I did so. I knew that I should confess my own sins to the priest at our Diocese, and I knew that once I did that, there would have to be consequences for my actions beyond those of my tortured soul. I hadn’t been able to do any of that. It’s like I was stuck in limbo, waiting for someone to tell me which di

rection to go in.

The following Saturday morning, my brother Ryan called me. “Hey! You have to show up for lunch today.”

“I don’t know, Rye…”

“Come on! Too much is changing. Grandmother is gone, and you’re pulling away from us. I can’t handle it, Jace!”

“I’m not pulling away. I’ve just had a lot to do and a lot on my mind with the move and all.”

“Two hours, one afternoon. Come on, bro. Please.”

How could I say no? I dressed in street clothes and met them at the Applebee’s in town. Max was dressed in his usual button down dress shirt and slacks, and Ryan had on faded jeans with holes in them, a Levi jacket with the sleeves cut off to make a vest, and a white-t-shirt. Colorful tattoos covered both of his arms. They looked like an odd couple and I had to chuckle at what we would have looked like together had I worn my collar.

“Hey, there’s the wayward brother. Are you trying to steal Ryan’s role?” Max asked me as I walked up.

“Nope, he’s still the wayward one,” I said with a grin. Max got up and hugged me and Ryan followed suit.

“I’m so glad you showed up that I’m not even going to let your insults get to me,” he said. We all sat down and ordered. My brothers ordered beers with their lunch. I hadn’t had a drink at all since that night. I ordered water.

“So, how are things going for you, Rye?” I felt bad that I hadn’t called more to check in on him. I knew that he was a grown man, but I also knew that my grandmother had coddled him and made it hard for him to be able to do things on his own that grown men should be able to do.

“Things are okay. One day at a time, you know?”

“He’s just mostly having a hard time learning how to work the appliances,” Max joked. “You know, washer, dryer, coffee pot…” Ryan flipped him the bird. “Not in front of the priest!” Max scolded him.

I rolled my eyes and said, “Are you kidding? He’s blatantly picked up women right in front of me.”