He would feel honor-bound to take care of Ava and me. I couldn’t trap him in a life that he didn’t want just because his sense of honor made him feel like he had to take care of me.
And I especially didn’t want to do that when I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself.
Mom looked over at Ava. “Ava, honey, why don’t you go see the surprise I put in your playroom,” she suggested sweetly.
Ava’s eyes lit up while I rolled mine. Mom spoiled that little girl rotten. But as long as she didn’t act like a little brat, I supposed that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Ava ran into the other room, and I heard her squeal.
“Stuffed animal,” Mom said. “So she’ll have to introduce Mr. Sloth to all the other stuffed animals. She won’t be out for a minute.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “Mom, I don’t want to talk to you about Ace,” I said.
Mom pursed her lips. “Just one thing,” she said, and I knew there was no way to get out of that. “I know it’s your decision to make. But make sure you’re thinking about Ava and not just about yourself. If this man wants to be in his little girl’s life, who are you to take that from her?”
I sighed and rubbed at my temples. “He doesn’t want kids, though,” I told her. “He told me that.”
“Back in Kuwait? Four years ago?” She clucked her tongue. “People change, and what they want doesn’t always stay the same.” She paused. “You know the last thing I’d want is to see you hurt. But I can’t help thinking, where’s the harm in letting him know? If he doesn’t want to be around you, then at least you’ll know that he didn’t want to be around you. Otherwise, you’re always goi
ng to wonder.”
“I know,” I sighed. But knowing that and actually telling Ace were two different things. I picked at my napkin. “I guess part of me thinks that if he doesn’t want to know Ava, he doesn’t deserve to know about her,” I said quietly.
“Hmm,” Mom grunted. “I think it’s more that you’re afraid to give up some of your responsibilities.”
“What?” I asked incredulously.
“You want to prove to yourself and to the world that you’re a big bad mama, able to raise that little girl while balancing your career and everything else. But it’s okay to have help sometimes.”
“I have plenty of help,” I protested. “Maisie watches her a lot. And you watch her sometimes too.”
“All the same,” Mom said, shrugging as she started to clear the plates. “Like I said, just make sure you’re making the decisions with Ava in your heart, not just yourself.”
I was silent when she said that. I hated to admit she had a point, but maybe I really was being selfish. I guess when it really came down to it, Ace did deserve to know. Ava was half his. But I still didn’t want to tell him about her. And I honestly still doubted that he’d want to know.
I shook my head and got to my feet, glad that Mom had dropped that topic of conversation. I knew she just wanted the best for me; she wanted me to be happy and loved and everything else. But what she didn’t seem to realize was that my life was complete enough. I was more than happy with Ava in my life. I didn’t need Ace or anyone else.
Opening up to Ace would only give him a chance to let me down. And the last thing I needed was for my memories of Ava’s father to be tinged with sadness. I wanted to hang on to those perfect, fun, sexy moments we’d had in Kuwait. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with that.
Except that maybe I should be considering things from Ava’s point of view instead, I realized. When Ava was ten or fifteen or twenty, if she found out that her father had lived just a couple blocks over from me, that he had sought me out and I hadn’t let him know about her, how would she feel? Would she be angry with me? Would she stop talking to me?
I frowned, scrubbing at a plate. Maybe I did need to tell Ace about her.
But even though I recognized that I probably should, I still didn’t want to.
10
Ace
I lasted until the end of Saturday before making Stone give me directions to Harper’s house. He’d given me a confused look, and I’d lied about wanting to give her a gift to thank her for interviewing me for the Globe.
He’d laughed. “You hated that interview, though. You gave me a whole rant about it this afternoon. You think an apology gift is going to make up for you looking like an asshole and refusing to answer any of her questions?”
“No, not the interview this morning,” I said, cringing at the very thought of it. I should never have agreed to it in the first place. I should have called in sick or something. I hadn’t wanted to be there, and it had showed. Things had been awkward and stilted, with the reporter basically only getting one-word answers from me. I think we were both relieved when it was over. “Harper interviewed me for the paper. It was different. Better.”
“What, because she was the one asking you the questions? You got a thing for her?”
“No!” I said, probably too quickly and too defensively. Stone gave me a knowing look, but he gave me directions to her place anyway.
I didn’t know why I wanted the directions so badly. I was a glutton for punishment; that was all. I knew I couldn’t talk to Harper again. I knew that seeing her there with her daughter was only going to make it harder to forget about her, but I wanted to see her.