Joe furrowed his brow. Perri gasped. I just listened, my heart kicking up even more.
“From what he told me, he was beat up damn bad during the accident and had to crawl out while pulling another guy, and the smoke almost got him before other guys showed up to save him. He said if it’d been like, 30 seconds later, he’d be dead.” He shook his head. “That’s not the worst of it, though.”
“What’s the worst of it?” I asked, shaking slightly.
“He has these nightmares, freaky nightmares about the accident. He has a lot of trouble sleeping, and he was having trouble on construction sites. He tried seeing a psychiatrist, but it didn’t help him much, so he’s here to find a quiet place to work and kind get his head on straight.”
“That’s why he’s at your ranch?”
Carl set his bottle on the table. “He knows the work, and it’s quiet.” He shrugged. “I don’t think he’s gonna stay in Livingston, but I have to help him. No matter what he did to you, Aspyn, he’s my friend.”
“No one’s saying you shouldn’t,” Joe said, a little irritation in his voice.
Perri sighed.
“You know, that might be why he never contacted you,” Carl said, looking at me. “He might not have meant to hurt you.”
I looked away. “Was he in a coma?”
“Huh?”
I looked back over at him and locked eyes with him. “Was he in a
coma?”
Carl shook his head. “Busted up leg and some burns. He was in the hospital for a while but not in a coma. He did lose his phone, though. He told me. So, you know, Aspyn, that’s probably why—”
“Don’t go there, Carl,” Joe said, his voice curt. “Just don’t.”
I held up my hand. “It’s okay, Joe.” I turned to Carl. “If he wasn’t in a coma, he could have got a hold of me. He could have called you or looked my number up or something like that. But he didn’t, Carl. Not for a day, not for a week, not for years.” I let out a long sigh. “I’ve not heard from him in three years. I’m sorry for his accident and his problems, and I do hope you can help him find some peace, but it doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t want me as part of his life. He made that clear by never trying to contact me.”
Perri gave my hand another squeeze. “We’re here for you, Aspyn. Remember that.”
Joe nodded.
“And what about Kadie?” Carl said.
“What about Kadie?” I said with a shrug. “He didn’t want me as part of my life. He still doesn’t.” I stared at my friend. “Did he ever even ask about me?”
It was like someone let all the air out of Carl. He let out a long sigh and shook his head. “No, he didn’t.”
“See? It’s better for everyone.”
He managed to look up. “So, what? You’re never going to tell him the truth, then? He’s not gonna be here for a day or two, Aspyn. He’s gonna figure it out sooner or later.”
I held up my hand. “I know you’re having a hard time with the promise you made me to me, but if anyone needs to tell him, it has to be me, and I’ll do it when I’m comfortable because, at the end of the day, it’s about him, Kadie, and me. Not you. Not Perri. Not Joe.”
Carl gave me a shallow nod.
“Now, let’s stop worrying about Alex Kline for a second and just have a good time.”
Perri grinned. “How about some karaoke?”
“Now we’re talking,” I said.
As Perri rose and headed over to the machine, I thought more about Alex. Before, I’d been angry with him getting me pregnant and ghosting me, but after Kadie was born, I’d stopped caring as much.
The thing was, maybe I hadn’t planned to become a mother when I did, but I loved my daughter, and I couldn’t think of her or the night that led to her as a mistake. I wouldn’t change anything if it meant I couldn’t have my daughter.