I felt great as that unfamiliar feeling filled me while I shared the house and the room with Aspyn. I’d been unsure about having her over so soon, before I had a chance to really get things in order.
A little nervousness seeped in with the excitement. It was another feeling I wasn’t all that used to in recent years. Sure, I knew what it felt like to disappoint people, but when you expected to do that, you didn’t feel nervous.
I pointed to some light pink paint cans in the corner. “Picked that out yesterday, but it doesn’t have to be that color. I just didn’t know what her favorite color was. Don’t all little girls like pink?”
A funny look appeared on Aspyn’s face. I wasn’t quite sure what it is.
“Not all little girls,” Aspyn said. “I didn’t.”
I furrowed my brow. Damn. I should have asked.
“But pink is Kadie’s favorite color,” she said quietly.
I shot Aspyn a grin. “Well, then I’ve done a good job so far.” I gestured around the empty space. “I wasn’t sure about furniture yet. I wanted to make sure I bought the kind of bed she liked and that sort of thing. Maybe we can all go shopping together, and she can pick things out she likes. That way she’s happy.”
Aspyn gave me a shallow nod, her lips pursed. She didn’t look angry exactly, but she didn’t look happy either.
I stared at her for a moment, wondering if I should say something. Something was wrong, but I didn’t know what it was. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone ahead and picked the color and room without asking for her opinion first.
I hadn’t really been in anything approaching this kind of situation before, so I didn’t really know the right and wrong thing to do other than try and show that I gave a damn.
All I knew was that when Aspyn sh
owed up at my door with my daughter in hand, and I wanted to show her everything, that it all felt right. Not just right, but perfect in a way that I’d never felt my entire life. I’d spent ten years before the reunion chasing some thin strand of happiness, and then I’d thrown it away by ghosting her.
Sure, I’d had my accident as my excuse, but it didn’t change the fact that I could have been having this happy conversation three years earlier, or maybe even 12 years earlier if I hadn’t left town.
Now, it was like if I just concentrated, I could snatch that strand back. Maybe I was fooling myself, but I wouldn’t know until I tried.
I pointed to a door on the other side of the room. “Got something else to show you.”
“We better hurry,” she said. “I don’t like the idea of her alone. It’s not like this place is totally safe yet.”
Nodding, I turned. “Okay, not much to show in the other room yet anyway. Just a playroom for her.”
I started heading toward the stairs. Aspyn followed.
“A playroom? She already has a bedroom.”
“Yeah, but that way, she can have a room maybe that she can mess up before bed and not worry about or something like that.”
“Uh-huh,” Aspyn said quietly.
Having never been in this sort of situation before, I didn’t know what I should expect. Most of the guys I knew who came back into their kids’ lives after not being part of them were dragged there by court order, and their efforts mostly consisted of writing checks, usually for the lowest amounts they could get away with.
Aspyn just didn’t seem into this tour at all. Maybe it was a mistake to bring her before I got everything renovated. I could see the house of the future in my mind, but right now, all anyone else could see was a broken-down house for two old people.
We headed back downstairs. I spotted Kadie still happily playing with the blocks through the open door.
I gestured to Aspyn to follow and walked over to a corner. We needed to discuss some things, and I didn’t want Kadie to overhear, even if she wouldn’t understand them all.
“What?” Aspyn said, irritation in her voice.
“You don’t seem to be happy with any of this.” I shrugged. “Is it too much? I thought you’d be happy I bought a house.”
Aspyn’s mouth twitched, and then she sighed. “I can’t believe you actually bought a house.”
“Why? What did you expect?”