Heat warmed my cheeks, and I shook my head. “No, no. I don’t mean we’d sleep together. I mean we would sleep together, but we just wouldn’t have sex. I wanted to maybe see how you sleep. Maybe I can see something that could help.”
Alex stared at me like I’d gone nuts, but he wasn’t exactly arguing anymore.
“Okay, let me grab some stuff from the cabin. How about I meet you at your place?”
Chapter 28
Alex
As I pulled my truck up in front of the cabin, I wondered what Aspyn really thought she could do. At first, I really had believed she was trying to invite me over for sex, but after seeing the pain in her eyes, I realized that no, she thought she could do something about my nightmares.
The instincts of a lover, mother, and woman had combined, I thought, to want to help me. I didn’t resent that all, but I also didn’t think she could do crap all to help me, no matter her good intentions.
I also didn’t have the heart to tell her I’d seen professionals, and they hadn’t done me much good. It was always the same garbage. I needed to come to terms with the accident. Because I hadn’t, it continued to haunt me. That’s what they said, anyway.
How the hell hadn’t I come to terms with the accident? It’s not like I didn’t constantly think about it. It haunted me most of my fucking nights in Texas. Only coming back to Tennessee had brought
me some relief, and even now, it seemed like it was going away.
I wasn’t running from it because I couldn’t escape it. What was that but accepting the damn accident?
Rubbing the bridge of my nose, I took several deep breaths, all the while wondering if Aspyn truly understood how messed up I was. The boy she knew in high school might have lived until that accident, but he was dead after for sure.
I grabbed some clothes and a few other odds and ends to toss them into my black suitcase. Once I finished packing, I took several deep breaths. My heart thundered.
Vulnerable and weak. I knew I was those things on some level. If I hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have had to come back to my hometown to heal. I could have gotten out of the hospital and continued on my merry way without a care in the world.
But now that I’d finally connected with Aspyn again, I was afraid she’d start seeing me as weak. As not a man. Once she did, she might want to walk away, and I couldn’t really blame her if she did. It wasn’t her duty to fix my broken-ass mind.
That’s why I’d not talked about the nightmares. She thought she liked me. Maybe she even thought she loved me, but I still wasn’t sure whether Aspyn liked or loved the actual me or the memory of me she’d worshipped in those years when I was gone.
If I woke up screaming, would she still want me around?
I sucked in a breath. I might wake up and scare Kadie. I started to think this whole idea was terrible.
No. I shook my head. I needed to keep moving forward. Any future with Aspyn would mean she’d have to deal with the darkness and the light.
Carl had already shown me the way. A man moves forward. He doesn’t stay in place, no matter the risk.
I snatched my suitcase from the floor.
It was time for the first test.
* * *
“Goodnight, Mama,” Aspyn said to her mother from the front door. She waved, and her mother waved back before she shut the door.
I was standing outside Kadie’s bedroom, looking at her crib. My little girl was already in bed, sucking her little thumb, peaceful as can be, not a care in the world.
I gently closed the door and walked back to the living room. Aspyn took a seat on her couch and patted the seat right next to her. I walked over and sat.
“What do you think Kadie dreams about?” I asked. “Unicorns and gumdrops or whatever?”
Aspyn laughed softly. “I don’t know. I’ve never thought to ask. Kid stuff, I’d guess. Me. Her nana. Blocks. Candy. Puppies.”
I nodded slowly. That made sense. “Has she ever had a nightmare?”
Aspyn furrowed her brow, thinking it over in silence for several seconds. “I can’t rightly say. She’s never told me she’s had a bad dream.” She frowned. “I wonder if that’s normal.”