“Tell that fat little boy I’ve got a surprise for him, if he’s good,” she laughed, as I lowered the phone down and listened to Howard mew a couple of times. KO responded with an interested, “Is that so?”
“Okay, well, if you two BFFs are done, I’m going to finish watching my movie,” I laughed. We wished each other a Merry Christmas and then hung up. I looked over at the screen to find the plane on fire already and grumbled, “Oh great, I missed the best part!”
Howard blinked before turning around a couple of t
imes and then curling up on my lap, where he promptly went to sleep. I watched the rest of the movie and then flipped the channel to find the old version of A Christmas Carol just starting. I pulled the quilt off the back of the couch and covered Howard and I with it as I snuggled down to watch the movie.
A few minutes later, my phone rang again. Thinking it was KO calling back, I answered laughing, “My God, can’t you just enjoy the holiday without harassing me?”
“Merry Christmas to you, too, Emily,” an icy voice replied. My stomach clenched as I realized I’d said pretty close to the absolute wrong thing I could have to my mother.
“I’m sorry, Mother, I thought you were KO,” I said, trying to convey remorse I didn’t feel. “Merry Christmas. How are you?”
“How do you think I am when I only have one of my daughters home for the holidays?” she replied tersely.
“I’m sorry, Mother. I know it’s a disappointment, but I just couldn’t get away in time,” I said, fudging the truth. In reality, I had zero desire to return to my parents’ home for any length of time, and especially not during the holidays, when I’d simply be on display as a testament to their outstanding skills as parents and mental health professionals.
“If you’d have planned better, you wouldn’t have had to miss out on the family gathering,” my mother said, pointing out my shortcomings, as usual.
“Yes, well, you know me and planning,” I said, making a weak joke to avoid having to deal with the reality. “How’s Dad?”
“Your father is the same as usual,” she sighed. “Working way too many hours and not taking care of himself. You know, you’d better make it a priority to come home soon and see him or else you might regret not having done it while you had the chance.”
“Is Dad sick?” I asked, alarmed that I’d been excluded from something like that.
“No, of course not,” she said in an exasperated tone. “I’m just saying that nothing lasts forever, and you’d be wise to make more of an effort to come visit us while you can. It’s been entirely too long, Emily.”
“I know, Mother, and I’m sorry, but I’ve got a lot on my plate,” I said, offering another weak excuse.
“I’ll never understand why you chose to follow such a low-paying career path with so few benefits,” my mother sighed. “It’s tragic to see you wasting such an outstanding education on something so…so…menial.”
“I enjoy it, Mother,” I said, gritting my teeth to keep from telling her what I really thought. The incredible irony of my family was that my parents were both world-renowned psychiatrists who were completely unable to have a direct conversation with anyone in our family. As a result, we never actually addressed the issues that drove us apart. As a teenager, I’d tried, but having been rebuffed by the professionals one too many times, I gave up and now was extremely adept at playing the family game.
“There’s more to life than just enjoying your career, Emily,” she said, in a mildly scolding tone. “You need to be financially responsible for yourself.”
“I am, Mother,” I said testily. “I just don’t have a lot left over for extras.”
“That’s part of being responsible, darling,” my mother reminded me. “Do your father and I need to send you money again?”
“No, Mother, I’m fine,” I snapped.
“Well, I sent you a package with your presents in it,” she said, as I eyed the beautifully wrapped packages sitting under my small tree. “Did you receive it?”
“I did, thank you,” I said. “They’re beautifully wrapped.”
“Aren’t they, though?” she said happily. “I had Bella, at Saks, work her magic on them. She always does such an amazing job of making things look perfect.”
“Indeed she does,” I agreed.
“Well, I hope you can get some use out of them,” she said. “I paid a lot of money for the highest quality I could find thinking it would last you longer.”
“I’m sure whatever you sent will be phenomenal,” I said, trying to find a way to get her off the phone before she gave me a rundown of where she’d shopped and what she’d spent. Normally, I’d just sit and make mouth noises as she chatted, but tonight I wanted nothing more than some peace and quiet with my little bit of holiday cheer.
“Call me in the morning and let me know how you like your gifts,” my mother said.
“Will do, Mother,” I said, as I quickly came up with a plausible excuse. “Oh, gotta run! I’ve got something in the oven, and the timer just went off! I don’t want it to burn!”
“No, of course not,” my mother said. “Go take care of it before you burn your house down.”