“No. He carried me out of his car and laid me on his couch so I could sleep off the wine. I could feel him almost kiss my forehead, and I found my entire being wanting him to. But, he pulled away, and it made my heart sink.”
“You sure that wasn’t the alcohol talking?” she asked.
“I thought it was, honestly. I freaked the fuck out after it happened.”
“I can only imagine,” Daisy said.
“But, yesterday he took me to do this exercise. He’s working with me on my public speaking, and my task was to pick a random crowd of people and tell a story.”
“Sounds like utter bullshit,” she said.
“It really wasn’t, though. Well, not after I started. I told this story, and as I got going, I got better. It worked a bit, I think. Anyway, after the story, he told me how proud my dad would be of me, and he kissed my ear. It sent shivers down my spine, Daisy. That’s not normal, right?” I asked.
“Honestly? I’m not sure what to think right now. You just admitted to me that you slept with your stepbrother,” she said.
“Love knows nothing other than love.”
Our eyes landed on the elderly woman in the bed who had a small smile blooming across her lips.
“I never said anything about love,” I said.
“You didn’t have to, honey,” the elderly woman said. “It’s written in your eyes.”
“I can’t be in love with my stepbrother. I can’t possibly feel this way about someone I grew up with my entire life,” I said.
“Who better to fall in love with?” the woman asked. “He’s seen every part of you. The rough teenage years, the insecure middle school years. You’ve fought together and hated together and enjoyed holidays together. He is probably the only person on the planet who knows you as well as you know yourself.”
I looked over at Daisy, whose eyes were firmly hooked onto the woman in the bed.
“So, you’re saying I should go for it?” I asked.
“Love knows nothing other than love,” she said again. “That’s how it works. Love, in its purest form, is unadulterated by anything this world has to offer. It’s how it can easily seek out the love of another person. Sometimes, we just have no control over who that person is.”
“Even if that person is a stepbrother?” Daisy asked.
“Do you love him, child?”
She turned her gaze to me, and I felt the blood rush to my toes. Did I love him? In the way she was talking about? Had the sisterly pseudo-love I’d felt for Christian growing up somehow morphed into a romantic love?
Was that even acceptable?
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Then know this,” the woman said. “Love doesn’t come multiple times in a lifetime. The love we feel before we fall in love is just what we think love should feel like. Then, after the love is felt, all love after that is merely an echo. If you find love and you want it to stay, you have to take it.”
I saw Daisy smiling down fondly at the woman, and I dipped down to give her a hug. I thanked her for her kind words before I wrapped my arms around Daisy’s neck, and she promised she would come over with food after her shift ended. She wanted more details than what I had just given, and I couldn’t blame her.
But my mind was stuck on that question the woman had asked me.
I didn’t know if I was in love with Christian. I knew how he made me feel, and I knew I wanted to be closer to him. I knew I cared enough to get jealous of the attention that doctor was paying him in the meeting, and I knew I cared enough to want his approval of my public speaking.
I knew I cared enough to feel safe with him. Protected by him. I cared enough to wish I had stayed with him that night and woken up in his arms the next morning.
I cared enough to see the man he had turned into, and as I got into my car, I realized I could be okay with Christian.
I didn’t know if I could fall in love with him, but I could be okay with him.
Chapter Twenty-One