“I’m not taking her to court,” I said.
“Fucking hell, Christian. Open your eyes. You were born for this bullshit. Dude, I’ve known for years you were destined for something like this. Something big. Something that meant some shit to the community. You’ve just got that smile. People fucking flock to you, and you always want to do right by them. So, do right by them now,” he said.
“Taking the company back from my stepsister is doing right by them?” I asked.
“No,” he said. “Fighting for something you love and setting a precedent that you care about that company no matter what is doing right by them.”
“Do you really think I could get it back?” I asked.
“Two words, bud. Estate lawyer.”
I felt the ocean finally growing choppy underneath my board as I began paddling out. The wave rose above the tide, threatening to swallow us whole as I hopped up on my board. This wave was a once in a lifetime wave. One that you could get trapped in and ride its middle curve. The wave curled around my body as I ducked down and surfed its middle, my hand reaching out to brush the water as a smile peeled across my face. For a split second, the world was done. My body was reflected in the mirrors the wave had to offer, and I caught the sparkle in my own eye as I rode it all the way to the very end.
The wave took me under, pulling me into its grasp as I held my breath. I tumbled while my board kept me from hitting the ground, and as I allowed my body to float and be taken by the current, I realized something.
Never once had I fought against the current.
I washed up on shore and saw Todd flagging me down. He gave me two thumbs up before he readied himself for the surge behind it, and I stood there and watched while he surfed his way back to shore. I was just like Todd, always riding the wave in the direction it took me. Never once did I branch out of my comfort zone, and never once did I ever push myself to be anything more significant than a menace on the current.
Same as we were doing now.
I owed it to myself to fight for this company. I owed it to the love I’d found for the business, to my stepfather who left it to me, and I owed it to my mother who died feeling disappointed in herself for not raising me the way she thought she needed to.
Holy shit, my mother was dead.
And as Todd found his way back to the shoreline of the beach, tears fell down my face as my mother’s face drew itself to the forefront of my memory.
“She’s gone, Todd,” I said.
“I know, dude,” he said as he patted my back. “Let’s go get you a drink.”
That company was mine, and Stella wasn’t going to have it.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Stella
I finally peeled myself from Christian’s porch and dragged myself back home. By then night had fallen around me, and my mind was tired and worn. I had no idea how I was going to work, much less be productive at work, but the only thing I could hope for was that Christian would be there. Maybe he would have some sort of single-minded dedication to the company, and he would show up. Then perhaps I would get a chance to explain myself before he shut me out of his office.
I somehow got myself home and walked into my house. I needed to come up with strategies on how to tackle this, but right now all I could do was cry. I curled up on my couch as I thought about the first night we shared together. How electrifying it felt for his lips to hover over my forehead. I’d wanted to raise my head and connect it with his lips just to see how they felt against my skin, and I remembered the disappointment that flooded my veins when he pulled back and went upstairs.
My body hummed as I remembered what it was like to walk up those stairs. How terrified I was that he was going to reject me and send me crying from his room in nothing but my underwear. I reminisced on how I shed my clothes, leaving them in a trail across the carpet of his bedroom before I lifted the sheet and slid in beside him.
My body warmed at the mere thought of being next to him, and the waterworks started up as I cried myself to sleep.
Now, the sun was up, and I was standing in the mirror looking at myself. I saw the dark rings underneath my eyes and the redness of my irises. I felt how much my joints ached with guilt that continued to pound my body. It hurt to shower, and I styled my hair into a bun instead of taking the time to wash it. In these moments, dry shampoo was my friend, but I couldn’t even muster the strength to press the button on the top of the can.
I didn’t bother with makeup, nor did I bother with jewelry. I threw on the first things I could grab from my closet. I bit down on my bottom lip driving into work, trying to keep my crying at bay. I felt wholly exposed. I felt my emotions pouring from my cold, icy body. I felt years of being cooped up and years of being strong eroding from the very temple I’d considered my body to be.
I was spiraling down, and I could feel it.
I walked into the shop, and the woman behind the counter eyed me curiously. I headed toward the back to do inventory, pulling sheets of paper from the filing cabinet as I sighed. People would come in chattering and laughing, only to turn the corner and see me there before they stopped. Word must’ve gotten around as to what had happened with the company, because now the employees were giving me the cold shoulder.
And they had every right to.
I was petrified of going to the office. I waded through the inventory as I tried to haul boxes, grabbing at ways to keep my mind off things. I’d put myself into this situation because of my blinding rage, and I convinced myself that I deserved this. I deserved their looks and I deserved Christian’s absence. I deserved the guilt and the toll it was already taking on my body. It took me three hours to inventory the back before I had a running list of things I needed to order, and as I started back through the store, all the employees fell silent.
They watched me like I was doing the walk of shame out of my ex’s house, and I kept my head down until I felt my shoulder shove into the door. The bell rang, announcing my leave, and I heard the conversations start back up again.