“If I can’t get you…” I answer.
“Oh,” Mike says. “Well, it’s been what? Ten years since you’ve kissed a guy? I just figured after that long, I could pretty much do anything and still get a good response from you.”
“It has not been that long,” I tell him.
“And we’re way too close as friends for you to get a really good response from me.”
“Well, do you have any notes? I mean, if you can’t remember—”
“Yeah, the tongue was way too much. I felt like you were trying to paint the top of my mouth or something and it was just weird.”
“Weird because we’re friends, or weird because—”
“It was weird because it was weird,” I answer. “I don’t know what the whole blowfish thing you were doing with your lips was all about, but you can stop doing that, too.”
“What about when I turned my head so our noses were on the other side, that was a good—”
“I really wasn’t all that impressed,” I tell him. “It was pretty obvious that you were trying to give me an eskimo kiss.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s a racially insensitive term,” Mike says, sulking.
“That’s what they call it. I didn’t make up the term.”
“So, was there anything you liked?” he asks.
“Liked is kind of strong for me…”
“Oh, come on!”
We go back and forth a while. I give him some fundamental tips, but make it beyond clear that we’re never kissing like that again.
I rewind the movie, as by the time Mike’s done asking questions, we’ve missed at least half of it, and we spend a quiet evening sitting on the couch.
The only thing that’s starting to bother me is that Dane still hasn’t come home.
It’s not unusual for him to be out late or even all night, but tonight feels different. That look on his face when he saw me and Mike kissing… it looked like he once had a smile, but that it slowly melted and died. I don’t know how to describe it.
It looked like his heart was breaking.
I don’t know, maybe I’m reading too much into it.
After all, Dane has what’s-her-stupid-name to keep him company.
What does he need me for?
Chapter Twelve
Standard Procedure
Dane
The view of Wrigley’s shapely posterior rising and falling as she works me into her is pleasant enough, but my heart just isn’t into it.
Not that Wrigley minds or even notices. The fact that I’m hard is more than enough for her.
We’re back on the roof, but the people across the street are all tired of the show.
I know how they feel.