I wondered if I’d have been more of a pushover if it weren’t for my army background. I strongly suspected that I would have.
“Jaime’s mommy bought the cookies when she came to school to speak to us,” Noah said, breaking through my thoughts.
“Oh? What did she speak to you about?”
“Her job,” Noah replied. “She’s a…a…pet healer.”
“A veterinarian,” I smiled.
“Yeah that,” he nodded. “But I can’t say that word.”
“You didn’t tell me about career day.”
“Issokay,” he said, combining the two words together. “I told them about you.”
“You did?”
“I told them my daddy was a fighter,” he said. “And, now he sails ships.”
I smiled. “Ah…I was a soldier,” I corrected gently. “And now… Well, I don’t exactly sail ships.”
“You do,” Noah said confidently. “That’s why you’re always gone.”
I felt a little stab of sadness when he said that and more guilt reared its ugly head. “I’m not gone all that much, am I?” I asked, hoping for some vindication.
“I see Janet more than you,” Noah pointed out, turning his attention back to his blocks.
I tried to keep my expression calm and unaffected. “How do you like Janet?”Noah shrugged, and I could see from the pout on his lips that he didn’t really want to answer my question. I set my laptop aside and moved a little closer to him.
“Is she nice to you?” I asked, passing him a red block.
He accepted it silently, and for a second I thought he wasn’t going to answer me. “She’s okay,” Noah said, at last.
“Just okay?” I pressed.
“She makes me food and gives me baths and lets me watch television whenever I want,” he said.
I frowned, not liking that last part. I had given Janet specific instructions before I hired her. Noah was allowed only one sweet treat every other day, and he was allowed a half an hour of television on weekdays and one hour on weekends. His bedtime was eight on weekdays and an hour later on Saturdays and Sundays. Obviously, Janet had chosen to disregard my instructions and do exactly as she pleased.
“She helps me with my homework, too,” Noah said. “Some days... But I want a real mommy.”
I stopped short. “What?”
“I want a real mommy,” he repeated again. “Janet’s not a mommy.”
I paused. “Ah… Noah—”
“Everyone has mommies,” Noah continued. “Jaime and Jesse and Luke and Xander. I only have Janet, and she doesn’t count.”
“Buddy…you had a mommy,” I said gently. “Do you see that picture behind you? That’s your mommy.”
“But she’s not here,” Noah said, glancing behind him at Daphne’s picture.
“No, she’s not,” I said slowly.
“I don’t remember her.”
I sighed. “You were very young when…she left us,” I said, unsure how to say it.