“Well, it was only your first date.”
“It wasn’t a date,” I insisted.
“Sure, sure,” she said dismissively. “What did he talk to you about?”
“We started talking about work for a little bit,” I said. “But that was only for a few minutes before we shifted towards what had happened between us the night he kicked me out.”
“Did you buy his explanation?”
“I did, actually,” I admitted. “He was conflicted, and I could see all the different emotions he was battling that night. It wasn’t just the alcohol. The liquor was probably just encouraging him, but his pain was what had created the anger in the first place.”
“Sounds like he has a lot of baggage.”
“Exactly,” I nodded. “Which is why getting involved with him would be a big mistake. I don’t think he’s ready for a relationship yet. And also… There’s Noah to consider.”
“Noah is…”
“His son,” I replied.
“How old is the kid?”
“Four,” I replied. “Oh, Mel, you should see him. He’s the cutest kid. I mean, it felt like we just bonded instantly.”
“It doesn’t seem like you’re too bothered about dating a man with a child.”
“I honestly wouldn’t care,” I said. “My only reservation would be attachments and that kind of thing.”
“You’ve really thought about this, haven’t you?” She gave me a sly smile. “Which means that you have seriously thought about what it would be like to date Jake.”
I opened my mouth to deny it, but then realized there was no point. “Okay, fine. I’ll admit that I’ve thought about it.”
Melody nodded approvingly at my honesty. “You can’t fool me, girl,” she said. “I’d advise you not to try in the future.”
“Duly noted,” I said.
“Does that mean if he was interested in you, you would…return the favor, so to speak?”
“He isn’t interested in me,” I said firmly.
“What makes you think so?”
“Oh, come on,” I said. “He’s so busy with work and with fatherhood, and like I mentioned before, he still seems pretty broken up about his wife. It’s not like I’d ever be able to compete with a dead woman.”
“Why not?” Melody asked. “She’s dead—it’d be easy.”
“She’s Noah’s mother,” I pointed out.
“Right,” Melody said, biting her lip, “Makes things a little more complicated.”
“See?” I said, stressing the word. “That is precisely the point.”
“Hmm… That doesn’t mean you can’t still fuck him from time to time.”
“Melody!” I exclaimed.
She laughed. “You are such a prude sometimes,” she said. “Stop acting like such a Virgin Mary.”
We spent the next half hour finishing up at the gym and then walked towards the showers together. I was standing in the shower thinking about Jake when I felt guilt rise within me.