Kristen raised her eyebrows. “The next level?” she repeated.
“Yes.”
“Um…we’re already sleeping together,” she said.
“I’m not talking about sex.”
“Then what are you talking about?”
I paused for a moment, wondering how to bring up the topic. “Well… I suppose I’ve noticed that whenever we discuss our pasts and our family history, I’m the one doing most of the talking.”
She raised her eyebrows. “I’ve told you about my past,” she said, but I was almost certain that she tensed a little.
“Not in detail,” I said. “I know that your father was married to someone else and had an affair with your mother, which led to your birth—but I don’t really know much else.”
“What do you want to know?”
I was sure it wasn’t my imagination this time. She really was reluctant to talk about her parents. I understood that she must be embarrassed and self-conscious about it, but I also wanted her to know that I wasn’t the kind of guy who would judge her based on her parent’s poor life decisions.
“Well, for starters, do you still talk to your father?” I asked. “Or is it more serious than that?”
“The last time I spoke to him was about seven months ago,” Kristen admitted. “Just before I moved here. I didn’t really have a choice a lot of the time. He lives with my mother, and when I go to see her, I inevitably see him.”
“So, you don’t really want to have anything to do with him?” I asked.
I sighed. “It’s complicated,” she said. “The fact is, despite everything, it appears my mother genuinely loves him. I suppose that’s why I swallow my anger and talk to him each time—because it hurts her when I don’t. My mother and I don’t have the best relationship, but I still love her. I can use that word in relation to her, but with my father…that word never made sense.”
“You don’t like talking about them, do you?” I asked.
“Not really,” Kristen said.
“Have you spoken to your mother recently?”
“Um… I have,” she nodded slowly. “It didn’t go very well.”
“Why not?”
“Because Mom has always felt like she had some sort of divine right to interfere in my life,” Kristen explained. “She likes to control me—maybe because she could never really control her own life. I suppose it just got to be too much for me.”
“Was that why you left Michigan?”
“Part of the reason,” she nodded.
I wanted to ask what the other part of her reason was, but I sensed that she was already extremely uncomfortable, and I didn’t want to make her feel bad. I did want her to open up to me, but I wanted her to want to share. It didn’t really count if I forced her into it.
“I’m sorry,” Kristen said suddenly. “It’s just that… I guess I’m sensitive about my upbringing; it wasn’t exactly normal.”
I smiled. “We all think that about our families,” I said. “But if you don’t want to talk about it, then I won’t push you. But I just want you to know that you can talk to me about anything.”
“Thank you,” she nodded. She was silent for a long time, and when she looked up, she seemed more willing to talk.
“I was nine when I realized my parents weren’t married. I asked Mom why there were no wedding pictures of her and Dad, and she told me it was because they had decided not to get married. It wasn’t until years later that I found out about his other family—his real family.”
“Real?” I repeated, sensing the hostility in that word.
“He was already married, and he had a child,” Kristen said. “I mean, another child.”
“Wow,” I breathed. “You have a sibling?”