There were a few odd weekdays when Kristen would come over. She would cook something healthy and hearty and then she’d help Noah with homework before she put him to bed.
Our lives had taken on the comforting ease of routine, and I loved feeling as though my family was complete. I had never really experienced that before. Daphne had been so depressed and sad after Noah had been born that the focus had been taken off our new baby. Right afterward, she had enlisted and left overseas, and my journey into single parenthood had begun.
It felt like another lifetime ago now. It was funny how when you were going through something it felt both hopeless and endless. But then something happened that changed your perspective and made the hard times dissolve into distant memories that didn’t hurt at all.
I still thought about Daphne a lot, but it was no longer painful for me to remember her. Kristen never minded talking about Daphne; in fact, she encouraged it for Noah’s sake, and I was deeply grateful for that.
“Daddy?” Noah said, cutting into my thoughts. “Come on, let’s go. We’ll be late.”
“Right,” I nodded, spraying myself with a little aftershave before heading out.
Noah was practically bouncing around in the backseat. He was so excited at the thought of sitting and eating in a proper grown-up restaurant.
“Daddy?”
“Yeah, bud?”
“Can I order anything I want?” Noah asked.
I smiled. “Sure, bud, you can order anything you want.”
“Even a grown-up meal?”
My smile grew wider. “Actually, I think this particular restaurant doesn’t even have a kid’s menu. So everything on it is grown up.”
“Wow,” Noah said, drawing out the word.
Kristen appeared at the door two minutes after we pulled up. She looked spectacular in a lilac dress made of wispy chiffon. She wore simple heels, and her hair hung loosely around her shoulders. Her makeup was, as always, understated, but she had chosen a dark lipstick that got me a little hot and bothered.
“You look amazing,” I said when I greeted her outside the car. “Like some hot seductress from my dreams.”
Kristen laughed and gave me a kiss. “Where’s Noah?”
“I’m here!” Noah yelled, having rolled down his window.
Laughing, Kristen rushed to him and leaned in for a kiss. “My, don’t you look handsome.”
“This is the first time I’m wearing this jacket.”
“It’s fabulous,” she said. “No question, you’re going to be the handsomest gent at the restaurant tonight.”
“Come on you two,” I said, breaking up their little catch-up. “We’d better head out.”
The moment Kristen got into the front seat, Noah started jabbering away. “Daddy says I can order anything on the menu.”
“Sounds like quite the decision you have to make,” Kristen said, sounding impressed.
As the two of them spoke, my mind wandered slightly. It was nice to hear their conversation, even if I wasn’t listening. It gave me strength and comfort to know that Noah had Kristen now, as well as me. The closer we got to the restaurant, however, the more nervous we became. And when I got nervous, I also tended to get quieter. I tried to keep my cool and remain suave and in control, but my mind was reeling. I had never really done this before. My first proposal had been so different.
Instantly, the memory jumped into my head, and I could see it play out as though I were watching a movie of my life. I hadn’t thought about this particular moment in ages, and so it surprised me how vivid it was.
Daphne approached me while I was attempting my tenth suicide. I was drenched with sweat and slightly cranky because I was hungry and tired and completely over my work out.
“Hi there.”
“Hi,” I replied back grumpily.
“Someone’s in a mood.”