Or at least I thought I did. It had been weeks since Rainer even mentioned our private interlude on Berger's yacht. I wondered if his passion for me had finally waned, and I couldn't blame him. I had done everything I could to bury it, hide it away, and now I was afraid it would light me up like a bonfire.
I wanted Rainer. More than that, the few weeks of seeing him here and there had cemented in my mind how much I loved having him around. I loved him, and I couldn't imagine he would return my feelings.
I wondered only briefly how Rainer had gotten to the back portico from the front steps without me seeing him pass by. Then I saw Otto gently shooing party-goers off the portico and onto the lawn. The crowd thinned between Rainer and I. Finally, Stan gave me a squeeze and then stepped back.
"Is this a prank?" I asked Rainer.
He blew out a tense breath and tried to smile. "No," he said. "This is a proposal."
Rainer dropped to one knee, and with the whole lavish party, full of our friends and colleagues, as a backdrop, he asked me to marry him.
"And all I ask is that you come home to me," Rainer said. "After you work, after you accomplish everything you want, I'll be there for you, if you let me."
Epilogue
Tasha
Sometimes in the middle of work, the entire scene washed over me. Like a tsunami, it knocked everything else out of the way. The wide window of my downtown Oakland office disappeared and I found myself standing on Stan's portico again.
Rainer was on one knee, his words so soft and stressed that I had to lean forward and down to hear him. Then I reeled back, not believing I had heard him right. Rainer had to shuffle forward across the bricks to catch my hand and try to convince me he was serious.
What really caught me was his sincere offer to always be there when I came home.
No other expectations, no other old-fashioned notions of marriage, just me pursuing my career and coming home each night to find him there for me.
After I said yes, Rainer had launched from the bricks and caught me up in his arms. Instead of the molten kiss I expected, he lifted me high in the air and spun me around until the twinkling lanterns and lights of Stan's mansion flowed into bright circles.
And then we kissed.
I leaned back in my office chair, ready to draw the warmth of that memory around me like a blanket.
"Ms. Nichols?"
Topher stood in the doorway, and when I spotted him, I jumped out of my chair. "What? I mean, I'm here. What do you need?"
My assistant gave me funny little smile. "I tried buzzing twice, but you didn't answer, so I knocked."
I smoothed down my suit. "I was just deep in thought. Business, of course."
"Of course," Topher said. "Though it would be very helpful if you set aside some time to think about a wedding date."
"Yes, yes, of course." I shuffled papers needlessly on my desk. "Rainer and I have been meaning to discuss it. We just keeping getting, ah, distracted."
Topher held up his hand. "No need to explain. I have a few suggestions if it would be helpful."
"Helpful for you?" I asked my eager assistant.
He nodded emphatically. "How am I supposed to plan the perfect wedding if I don't even know what season it will be?"
"Fine, yes. As soon as these projects are a little further along, I will sit down with Rainer and we will choose a wedding date," I said. "It's just a little bit more complicated than I expected."
"How so?" Topher asked. He pursed his lips, unable to hide the irritation he felt at not being able to plan ahead.
I couldn't very well tell my assistant that every time Rainer and I sat down to talk about our wedding we ended up in a passionate tangle. It was hard to think about giving that up in exchange for a mound of details such as what kind of fish we should serve at some overblown reception.
"Well, you of all people should know that I can't compromise work at this point in my career. Things are still just getting off the ground here, and I can't lose focus." I sat down again, faced my computer, and couldn't remember what I had been working on before falling into a daydream.
"I can put in the extra hours, Tasha. Or you can hire a wedding planner. It doesn't have to be a bother," Topher reminded me.