“So, what is it?” Jeff asked, a sneer on his face.
“I've been…” I trailed off, wondering how even to word things. I'd been what? Gretchen and I had never talked about what we were to one another, and with me going off to New York in a couple of weeks at the most, we were never going to be anything to one another.
I blushed brilliantly and ducked my head, like a schoolboy caught in some lewd act.
“That's what I thought,” Jeff said, taking that as some admission of guilt. “God, Christian, couldn't you for once grow up and be the responsible adult that you're supposed to be by this point? We're all waiting for that day.” Then, he shook his head. “Not that that day is ever going to happen.”
He spun away from us before I could respond, stalking off down the beach. For a moment, I was struck by the urge to go after him, to make him listen to me. To make him understand who Gretchen was to me.
But I was still so shocked by the whole thing, by the fact that I had run into Jeff here, after carefully avoiding him for so many years.
“Who was that?” Gretchen asked cautiously, and I couldn't help but grimace, suddenly remembering that she was there, that she had seen all of this awkwardness.
“That was my brother,” I admitted.
“I thought you didn't have any family left,” Gretchen said, her voice tight. When I looked down at her, her face looked tight, as well it might; she was probably wondering how many things I had lied about over the past few years.
“We're not close,” I finally managed.
“But he still exists,” Gretchen snapped.
“Yeah,” I admitted. I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face. That day had started so good, not when I considered the fact that I had been planning to tell her all about my plans to disappear to New York sooner rather than later, but other than that, it was good.
Gretchen reached up and yanked off the new necklace that I'd given her, throwing it down in the sand. I felt a stab of pain and tried desperately to think of something I could say to her.
“Gretchen, please,” I said, my voice filled with raw emotion. “There's a lot of unhappy feelings there. We haven't talked in years, and if I’m being honest, I'm not a good guy. If you've read anything about me, you must know that. You know the kinds of things that I've gotten up to. And the thing with my brother is that we weren't really close as kids,” I admitted. “But through college, with both of us going to schools in different states, we got a lot closer. He always supported me, when I was only dreaming of going into real estate. Once I made my money, I…” I trailed off. “I'm not a good person.”
“What did you do?” Gretchen asked.
I was silent for a long moment. “I was an absolute dick to him, I guess,” I admitted. “Gretchen, I'm not a good guy.”
Gretchen leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed me softly, chastely. “Stop saying that,” she said quietly, urgently. “Stop saying that you're not a good person. You might not be the best guy I’ve ever met, but I don't think you're a bad guy. You maybe did some things that weren't so good, but I don't think you're a bad guy, under all of that. Misguided, maybe, but not bad.”
I spun away from her, shaking my head. “You don't know-” I started to say.
But Gretchen spun with me, catching my arms in firm hands. “Yes, I do,” she said sincerely, looking up into my eyes. “Christian, do you think that I'd be here if I didn't think that you were a good guy?” she asked.
“I don't know!” I exploded.
Gretchen's finger came up to seal my lips, though. “Yes, you do,” she said softly. “And you know it, deep down. Maybe you didn't treat your brother the best. But that doesn't mean that you aren't a good guy. And he'd know that if he got to know you again.”
“He'd hate me,” I protested, shaking my head.
“I don't think anyone could hate you,” Gretchen said sincerely. I looked down into her serious eyes and had to at least consider that maybe she was right.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Gretchen
I took my third day off from work to strictly pamper myself, spending most of the day lying out in the sun and reading a book. It was relaxing, but there was something hollow inside of me as I finished reading the last book and thought about things with Christian. It was enough to have me calling him up that night.
“Hey,” he said warmly when he answered the phone. “How's the solo day going?”
I sighed and shook my head. “To be honest, I miss you,” I said plaintively.
“Aw, baby,” he said. “What are you doing right now?”
“Curled up on the couch trying to watch some TV. Thinking about ordering a pizza or something for dinner, but not sure what I want.”