Mina laughed. “Not something that I ever really thought I'd hear from you, but I'm glad,” she said. “Even though I'm pretty bummed that I was working and couldn't join you.”
I smiled at her. “Some other time, maybe. But I'm feeling better now, anyway.”
“You look better,” Mina said, eyeing me closely. “You either got a new foundation that works well, or you've gone back to sleeping like a normal person.”
I laughed. “Yeah, I slept well last night,” I admitted. I shrugged. “Slowly but surely, I'm getting over him.”
“Good,” Mina said, nodding at me. “I hate seeing you so sad.”
“Yeah. I think I might even start dating again.”
Mina blinked. “Oh, really?” she asked, sounding surprised. “You have your eye on someone, or is that an invitation to a wild night out next weekend?”
I shook my head. “Have my eye on someone,” I told her. I paused. “I'm thinking of asking Lino out on a date this weekend.”
If it was possible, Mina looked even more shocked. “Do you think that's a good idea?” she asked slowly.
I shrugged. “He came by the shop to see me the other day,” I told her. “He said that he's starting to realize exactly what he missed out on. He said that he's grown up a little. And he reminded me that the miscarriage was just as hard on him as it was on me. I don't know why I've never really thought about that before, but-”
“Hmm, maybe because he didn't act like he cared one way or another about the miscarriage?” Mina asked sarcastically. “Oh wait, no, that's not true. He was relieved that you had miscarried the baby. He never wanted that kid, and you know it.”
I sighed. “Look, Lino and I could have a great life together, I think. He loves me, and I love him. Maybe not in that perfect, Hollywood-style love, maybe not like the characters of those stupid romance novels that I always read. But all relationships have their ups and downs, and there's no reason just to get rid of a relationship because you had a little difficulty once. Lino and I have both moved on, and I think that he's matured, just like he said.”
“And did he come right out and say that he was sorry?” Mina asked, still sounding angry. She rolled her eyes at my guilty expression. “Of course, he didn't,” she said, throwing her hands in the air. “Look, I want to be happy for you, Gretchen, and I'm glad that you think you're already ready to move on after Christian.
But this seems like a total rebound move, and I don't want Lino to end up hurting you again. I remember what it was like last time, and-”
“If I want to date Lino, that's my choice,” I interrupted.
“Of course, it is,” Mina said, her voice going soft. “You know I would never try to tell you not to date a guy. I'm just trying to remind you that despite what Lino says about how mature he's gotten, he still has yet to apologize to you for the way he handled the news that you were pregnant and the way that he handled the miscarriage.”
“We all handle grief in different ways,” I said. “I can't blame him for that.”
Mina sighed. “You have too big of a heart,” she said, shaking her head. “Of course, you don't blame him for that. I just want you to be careful, okay? Don't go getting in over your head.”
“I won't,” I promised, even though I knew, somewhere deep down, that whenever Lino was concerned, I was already in too deep, given our history. But still, he might be my only remaining chance to have a husband. I'd just have to be careful and make sure I didn't get pregnant this time.
I felt a pang inside me at that thought. I'd always imagined having kids and teaching them to surf, taking them for walks along the beach, teaching them all the secrets of this beautiful island, having them grow up loving it as much as I did. I knew that Lino didn't want kids, and I knew that if I married him, I was never going to have kids. That wasn't even up for discussion. I didn't even know if I could bring myself to want to conceive with him after the way that he'd reacted to the news of my pregnancy before.
But still, a life with Lino was better than a life spent alone. And I knew that there was no way I was ever going to see Christian again. If the one guy I could ever love refused to be in my life, then I'd just have to make do.
My appointment that day was younger, a girl in her twenties who was just there on a weeklong trip with some of her friends. “Jessica's dad booked it for us, as a Christmas gift for her,” she told me, laughing a little. “My parents don't have that kind of money, so I feel kind of weird being here, but it wasn't like I was going to say no!”
“That's a pretty special friend,” I said, smiling. “Hawaii's a beautiful place, especially at this time of year when it's not too hot and humid!”
“Oh, it's so beautiful,” Andrea agreed. She shook her head. “You're so lucky that you live here. I can't even imagine. Going to the beaches every day, gorging on fresh fruit shakes, doing yoga, and just relaxing. It's so incredible here.”
I grimaced a little, glad that she couldn't see me from her face-down position on the mat. “Yeah, it's pretty great,” I said. “But it has its drawbacks too. My life isn't like what yours is like when you're on your vacation, remember. I have to come in here to work and everything. I have to pay the bills. I cook a lot of my meals rather than eating out at restaurants.”
“True,” Andrea said. “But this is your job. You're not stuck in an office, and you're not stuck with a bunch of obnoxious coworkers. This one girl who I work with is getting married in a few weeks, and she's been so ridiculous for months now. It's her fiancé this and her fiancé that. It’s all she talks about, and then there's the actual work.”
I shook my head, listening to her ramble on, letting her get it out of her system. The thing was, I had always loved Hawaii, and I always would. But the thing about it was, the grass was always greener on the other side. She had a selection of thousands of guys who she could marry. I knew everyone on the island. I'd grown up with them all. Unless they were tourists, who were just there for a few weeks, if that, and then went back home again.
Plus, there was this whole business thing with Mina. She'd been careful not to hint at it again since she had brought up the idea of merging our businesses, but I couldn't help feeling the weight of that idea every morning when she came by to see me. I still hadn't made a decision on it, except that I wasn't sure about it and didn't know how to approach any of the issues with her.
Finally, it was time for the massage to be over, and since it was my last massage of the day, I suppressed a sigh of relief at that. All I wanted was to go home, take a dip in the hot tub, and drink a glass of wine. Then, maybe I'd give Lino a call and see what he was up to that weekend.
My plans were derailed as I walked out of the massage room and saw Christian standing there, waiting for me.