But Trethan smiled at me and took a step forward as Dad melted back, letting him see me better. Letting me see Trethan better.
God, he’d grown up a lot since the last time I’d seen him. The angles of his face were sharper, and there was a depth to his eyes that hadn’t been there before. His hair looked just as messy as ever, but as I slid my eyes down the length of his form, taking in his tidy flannel shirt and jeans. I couldn’t help thinking how muscular and solid he looked, how unlike the reedy smoker I left.
I blushed, realizing I was staring, and drew my eyes back up to his, seeing him smirk a little as though he knew exactly what I was thinking.
I shook my head a little, negating the question in his eyes and the tension in the air between us. Then, I forced a smile on my face and went to give him a hug. I knew Dad expected that, at least. “Great to see you again, Trethan,” I said. “Dad says you’ve been a really big help around the ranch.”
“He has been,” Dad agreed. “And more than that. With you gone off to college and your mother gone to the other side, God rest her soul, it’s been good just having him around for company.” He cleared his throat a little awkwardly and gestured toward the table. “Shall we have a seat?”
We moved over to the table and sat down, the awkwardness still heavy in the air around us. “So, how have things been around the ranch?” I asked lamely, thinking it was a topic they could both chime in on.
“It’s been good,” Dad said, tearing into a roll and chewing thoughtfully. “We’re going into the busy season now for riders and boarders, of course, so we’re trying to take care of all the big maintenance projects around the place before things get into full swing.”
“Like the fence up in the north pasture?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. “I could see it from the road on the way in today.”
He laughed, and Trethan blushed, curiously enough. I wondered what that was about. “That’s my girl,” Dad said. “You sure you’re not interested in taking this place off my hands some day?”
I grimaced and pushed some food around my plate. “We’ve had this conversation before,” I reminded him as tactfully as I could.
In truth, we’d had arguments about this before. I could still remember the day I’d told him I was going to major in art history at school. He insisted I was throwing away my talent and was going to be poor for the rest of my life. I understood he wanted me to be happy and financially secure, but it hadn’t gone over so well.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up, especially not on your first night back,” Dad said. “But for the record, the offer is still on the table. Just saying.” It was nice that he was trying to soften things a little. It wasn’t usually his style, but I could appreciate it and covet it at the moment.
I smiled at him and cast around for some way to change the topic. ?
?So how have you been, anyway?” I asked Trethan. “Are you still living with your dad?” We hadn’t really talked for a few years now, so I had no idea what he was up to other than helping out around the ranch. He must be at least somewhat sober and off drugs because Dad wouldn’t let him come out around the horses otherwise. Beyond that, I had no idea how his life was going.
Trethan winced and glanced toward Dad, who wore a similarly pained expression on his face. “My dad had a heart attack about seven months ago,” he said slowly, not looking at me. “He’s dead.”
I stared at him, a hand creeping up over my mouth. “I didn’t know,” I said, feeling his pain. I knew what it was like to lose a parent, and for him to have now lost both of them, due to his mother running off when he was young and his father dying, I could only imagine what he must have been going through over the course of the year.
I turned toward Dad, feeling a surge of anger. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked. “I know Trethan and I haven’t been really close lately, but you know I would have come back for the funeral.”
Trethan cleared his throat. “That’s what I didn’t want, though,” he said, frowning. “I’m the one who asked your dad not to say anything to you about it.
That felt like a knife to the heart. I knew Trethan and I had our history, but the fact that he didn’t want me at his dad’s funeral was something else entirely. I half-stood from my chair, getting ready to leave the room, but he reached out and caught my wrist, his fingers warm where they hovered over my pulse point.
“Sorry, that came out wrong,” he said. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want you to be there. I didn’t want anyone there. It was a small, private thing. It was just the priest, the pallbearers, my uncle, and me.”
“I still should have known about it,” I said, sinking back into my seat. I bit my lower lip, pushing away the words that I really wanted to say: I should have been there to comfort you.
“Why, so you could come running home from college and take care of me?” Trethan asked sarcastically, and I was shocked at the venom in his voice. “You needed to finish up your degree. We both know that. You were already so close to done. It wouldn’t have been fair for me to keep you from that.”
“You wouldn’t have been keeping me from that,” I said, my tone becoming a little snippy. “I’m not saying I would have thrown away everything to be there for you. Just… I understand what you must have been going through. I can tell it still hurts to think about it, and I would have liked to be there for you, that’s all. We were good friends once, remember? Friends owe it to one another to support each other when something bad happens, even if they’ve drifted apart.”
There was a long silence while no one moved. Finally, Trethan cleared his throat. “I appreciate your saying that,” he said softly. Then, he shook his head and finally looked at me. There was something in his eyes I couldn’t name, something I’d never seen there before. It reminded me again how much he had changed. He was not the same kid I’d known before I left for college.
Dad coughed. “Maybe we should talk about something else,” he suggested.
We all were silent for a moment, each of us struggling to come up with a new topic. It was Trethan who broke the silence. “So what are you planning on doing back here in White Bluff, if you’re not going to take over the ranch?”
I groaned and looked skyward, wondering whether this conversation was ever going to be anything other than awkward. “I don’t know,” I said shortly. “I have no idea.”
Trethan winced and held up both his hands. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset. I know it must be difficult trying to figure things out.”
“Why? Because you agree with my father that my art history degree is absolutely worthless?” I asked, a sneer in my voice. Shit. Things were going off track, as if somehow I’d honestly expected them not to.
“I never said that,” Dad said sharply, his eyes narrowing a little. The tension grew thick between all of us, and I wondered why the hell I had agreed to have dinner with them in the first place.