Christian sighed and began to rub my back, the touch soothing. It gave me the strength to continue.
“I refused to have an abortion, but still, I had a miscarriage. I know that those things happen, I know that now, anyway. I didn't know that before, I guess. It was surprising to me, afterward, to learn just how many women miscarry.” I took a deep breath. “And Lino was happy about it. He was glad that I had miscarried the baby because it meant that he never had to worry about taking responsibility for it. For us.”
“That's horrible,” Christian said, his shock clear in his voice. He didn't even sound particularly angry like I might have expected from him. Instead, he just sounded upset. On my behalf.
“Yeah, it was pretty rough,” I said, dashing away a few tears that had fallen. “Lino and I fought over it. Finally, he told me that he just couldn't stand to be around me anymore. Said that I was too emotional and that he should never have slept with me to begin with. Said that it was my fault that I had gotten pregnant, that I must not have taken my birth control pills properly or something like that. He said a lot of horrible things. That's neither here nor there now, though.”
I looked up at him, needing him to see the truth of things in my eyes. “I was devastated for a long time,” I told him. “And that's part of why Mina was so uncertain about letting me get into things with you; she's just worried about me, as a good friend should be. And I love her for that.” I glanced down. I didn't want to admit to him that what I felt for him was ten times what I had ever felt for Lino. He would be leaving soon enough, and it wasn't fair to either of us to start professing our love or anything like that.
“Come here, you,” Christian said, pulling me even closer and resting his cheek on top of my head. “I can't even imagine what you've gone through,” he told me. “That must have been so difficult, and you're so brave to have gotten through that and stuck to your beliefs the whole time. That's amazing.”
“Thanks,” I said softly.
“So, this luau,” he said, thankfully changing the subject. “You want me to come with you?”
“Absolutely,” I told him. “The way you start off the New Year is key in determining your fortune for the rest of the year, right?” I wished I could take back the words as soon as I'd said them. I wasn't insinuating that he should stay there with me in Hawaii for the rest of the year, just that…
But he kissed me on the top of the head, fingers still stroking down my arm. “Sounds like a plan,” he told me easily.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Christian
I stared at the computer screen as I received confirmation of my flight.
r /> I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, wondering how I was going to break the news to Gretchen. I didn't want to leave so soon, but George had scheduled the annual New Year's press conference so that we could beat out some of our competitors who would be holding theirs a few days later. The idea was, if we could get into people's heads first in the new year, then we could drum up some additional business.
I understood all of that, from a business perspective. But it meant that if I was to be part of the press conference, and part of the future of the business, I supposed, then I needed to be back in New York beginning on January 2nd at the latest.
There was a knock on the door, and I grimaced, knowing that it was Gretchen, come to take me down to the luau. I wished that we could just have one last, special night together without this hanging over our heads, but I knew that that wasn't possible. I owed it to her to let her know that I was leaving the next morning.
“Come on, come on,” Gretchen said, grabbing my arm and dragging me immediately out the door. “I'm sorry, I'm running late, and we're about to miss the big town fireworks show. Trust me, that's going to be great, and we don't want to miss it!”
I laughed a little and let her drag me along, glad that I had a bit of a reprieve, no matter how short it might be. We made it down to the beach just in time to watch the town's fireworks show, which was mirrored on a few of the beaches by locals and tourists alike, who were already getting the merriment going.
Gretchen leaned close to me, her presence a warm weight at my side, and I couldn't help feeling better than I had in a while.
But in the back of my head, I was still trying to figure out how to tell her that I was leaving early the next morning.
When the fireworks ended, we got into Gretchen's car and drove over to the beach for the luau. The place was even busier than it had been the previous time, and there were a few different fires lit, with people clustering around each of them. Gretchen laughed a little, shaking her head. “Every year, it seems like there are more of us down here,” she said, “but it's still just always locals! I don't know where they all come from.”
I laughed and followed her down onto the beach, wishing I'd had a moment to tell her about my departure when we'd been in the car. I couldn't tell her about it here when we were surrounded by so many people, and the later it got, the drunker everyone was probably going to get.
I'd need to find some way to pull her aside, at some point.
“Hey guys,” Mina said, detaching herself from the group and coming up to us, giving Gretchen a big hug.
Gretchen giggled and nearly fell as Mina went into it with a bit too much force. “Hey, girl,” she said. “How's the luau?”
“Always a good time,” Mina said, beaming at her. “I'm glad you could come too, Christian.”
“Me too,” I said, forcing myself to smile, to stop thinking about what I needed to tell Gretchen. I would just have to wait for the right opportunity.
Of course, setting aside those thoughts was easier said than done.
“You seem a little bit off,” Gretchen whispered to me a little while later.
I frowned over at her. “What do you mean?” I asked, even though I knew she was right. “I've been talking to people and everything else, same as you.”